August 23, 2010

Do You Doodle Like You Date?

I don't really doodle anymore. When I was in seventh grade I would draw squiggly arrows and hearts on my papers. I'd practice writing my name in cursive, replacing my last name with that of whomever I had a crush on at the time.
Now my every-so-often little drawings are a little different-looking than those I used to draw, but it's still doodling. I still like to draw arrows or just take little notes in random corners of the paper. Or I draw stars. It varies.
The other day as I wrote little notes and stars on my paper, I couldn't help but wonder when/how my doodles changed so much. And what exactly do those doodles (or lack thereof) say about me? Is doodling wasting my time? Helping fuel my creative flow?

Apparently the word "doodle" was originally used in the early 1600s, meaning a "fool" or "simpleton." In fact the song, "Yankee Doodle" was originally a pre-Revolutionary War song written by the Brits who mocked disorganized Americans. (btw, the "macaroni" in the song is in reference to a silly, tall, powdered wig worn in those days, which was seen as - understandably - foolish.)

Some scientists claim doodling isn't a sign of foolishness at all. Universities have funded studies that reveal doodling helps with memory. Many artists claim doodling is a must in finding your way toward your next creation. Some people say their doodling helps them focus and can even relieve stress (which can be validated from anyone who's had to sit through meetings!).

There are even "doodle experts" who claim to understand the meaning of different doodles. In fact, these experts say where you doodle on the page says a lot about your needs. Check out the list below and see where you fit in. Do these theories ring true with you? Could your doodles reveal anything about you and your love life?

Middle of the page: someone who needs a lot of attention

Top of the page: this person has an abundant confidence level; energetic, free-spirit

Next to the title of the page:
have an urge to share something; needs to be heard

Left side of the page:
has feelings of nostalgia, doesn't want to forget the past

Right side of the page: need to express oneself

Bottom of the page: someone practical, unobtrusive, might have self-doubt

August 18, 2010

Dating Dilemma: Cooking up a Mess

Let's face it. I love talking about love and all its aspects. When I was in junior high it seemed as if all my friends who had girlfriends or boyfriends wanted to talk to me for dating advice. Was this to rub their blooming crushes in my face? Did they just know I would be honest? Was it some lesson sent from the Universe reminding me that I was boy crazy and would be talking about dating for the rest of my life?
Who knows. Who cares?

So let's chat, shall we?

One of my friends from NYC has a bit of a dating dilemma. She's fun and sassy and hopes to make it big on Broadway someday instead of working in an office or pouring people lattes. She can do it! She has "success" written in the stars! So why in the world is she so hard on her luck when it comes to this boy situation? I asked her if I could post this email she sent me, so here goes:

hi! i miss going to the movies with you and staying up talking and taking secret trips to applebee's in the bronx. but that's not why i'm writing to you today. i'm writing because, as usual, I HAVE A BOY PROBLEMMMMMM.

basically, there is this boy who i've known for a couple of years. he's really funny and nice and w
e're good friends. sometimes i feel like he likes me as more-than-a-friend. i definitely like him that way. in the last few months, we've gotten into this pattern where we will get together and have a lot of fun, and be affectionate with one another, etc., and then he'll totally pull away--like, radio silence for days on end. he often invites me to do things with him, or invites himself to my house to cook for me. i'm usually the one who initiates things like cuddling, but he never seems adverse to the idea. we haven't kissed, but things just feel intimate when we get together. i love spending time with him and really want to take our relationship to the next level, but every time things start to feel like they're going somewhere, he disappears. i usually end up feeling hurt and rejected, vow to never speak to him again, delete him from my phone...but then i get lonely. and i remember all the fun we have. and i decide to give him another try.

am i being so dumb?! should i cut him out of my life forever? force him to (gasp!) talk about his feelings? just plant one on him the next time he's making pesto in my kitchen? please help!!

xoxo,
APPLEBEE


Oh goodness!
I can't believe she's still talking about this guy! I can remember telling her two years ago, "This guy has no idea what he wants," and yet here we are still talking about him. How is it that some guys get a hold of a girl's heart and then we just let them do whatever they want with it?

Here is my basic thought, "If he wanted some sort of relationship with you, you would know." If you're thinking, "I have no idea. How will I know that?" then maybe you could do one of the following:

1. You could always ask him. That's the scary moment when you put yourself out there by saying something similar to, "Do you like me? Because I like you." Sometimes this has worked out for me -- in the short term. For some reason, this approach hasn't really been a great long-term approach for me. Maybe because I have been fully in the driver's seat and haven't let the boy be the boy. I don't know. But asking Mr. Pesto in the Kitchen if he likes you seems like it would really solve your mystery.

2. You could always let him come to you. When he comes over to make you dinner, try just keeping the focus on having fun and not making things physically intimate. If he wants to cuddle with you in the corner, then let him make the move. <== Now, I really, really hate that idea, but I know that's what a lot of girls do. In the end, it leaves girls feeling more confused than they ever were before. And because of that... 3. Do not kiss him! You've been so good avoiding kissing this guy! Can you imagine how twisted you would be if he kissed you and then fell into his typical silent treatment? Yikes! I don't even wanna think about it! 4. You could always tell him that you will only hang out with him when he is ready to ask you out on a real date. IF YOU DO THAT, you need to be ready to hear that he doesn't want to date anyone right now. Truth is, you might be ready to move forward while he still doesn't know what he wants. He might be working on a different timeline than you. This is always a reality that is kinda hard to swallow. I always heard, "If it's the right guy at the wrong time, then it's the wrong guy." Ouch. Are you willing to keep waiting for him until he's ready for a relationship with you? And then, (forgive me for uttering this)... what if that day never comes? 5. No matter what approach you end up taking, I really think your first step is to decide what you want from this guy and set some limits. So far, you're letting him know that it's okay to come over, eat dinner, cuddle, and leave. He probably has no idea that you're left cleaning the dishes while thoughts are spinning in your head of deleting his number while screaming to the Universe, "Why won't you call me?!!!!" So it's no wonder that he's thinking he can come over and have some fun with you and then go home and call other girls (not that I'm saying he is!!). Applebee, if you want things to change with this guy, you have to change the way you're allowing things to play out.

Okay, so these are just some ideas.
Applebee, I know you really like him and have endured this crush longer than most of us could bear. I think it's time you earn your reward.
So maybe make a list (you know I love lists!) and figure out what you want in the long-run from this guy. Imagine yourself two years from today. What would you like? Be specific. And keep in mind that he is in control of his own choices.
Do you want to be loved and adored? Do you want something more than just pesto and cuddling? Personally, I would like to see more flavors in your life than what you're letting in. But that's just me.

****IF you choose to comment on this post, please remember that this dilemma has been presented to me by a real person with feelings, not just someone I'm making up. Please keep that thought in mind as you kindly formulate your words. If you were her best friend, what would you tell her?




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August 6, 2010

Great Free Date(s)

The first weekend of the month has become one of my most favorites. That's because we've managed to sneak in some great dates, and you can too!

These are all courtesy of the Bank of America "Museums on Us" Program. Every first weekend of the month, you can use your Bank of America credit or debit card to get into more than 100 venues around the country for FREE. In the last year, we've hit up several spots, including the Intrepid in NYC, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, The Bronx Zoo, The NY Aquarium in Coney Island, and LACMA in Los Angeles.

Here's a link to the listing of all the sites around the country you can visit through their program. Let me know which places you end up visiting!





July 18, 2010

YOUR "31 Dates"

Interested in doing your own dating project?
Over the last year or so, I've had lots of people across the country contact me about hosting their own "31 Dates"-inspired projects. You wanna' do it too? Let's get to it!

First, if you have a web page, add this tag on the side:




Just copy and paste this code into your HTML/Java Script:


<a href="http://31datesin31days.com/"a><img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b305/tduricka/backgroun2.jpg" /a></a>

Then, shoot me an email: 31datesin31days@gmail.com

Hooray for your next adventure!

June 24, 2010

Contact

You can get in touch with Tamara by e-mail. Also, check out her other website.

Tamara is happy to be represented by Frank Weimann, founder of The Literary Group International.

She is grateful to have signed with editors at Seal Press.

May 26, 2010

Coupons on a First Date?

Many years ago, my mom's best friend was coerced into posting an ad in the personals section of the newspaper. I'm not even sure if newspapers have that section anymore, but this was well before e-anything and online dating sites. Her headline was "Former Homecoming Queen Seeks King" with a picture of her from high school days.
Her tactic lured in a lot of dates. I can remember her stories about the guy with the new toupee who we dubbed "El Baldo" and the other guy who took her to McDonald's, who followed our naming trend as "El Cheapo." I don't think she was totally turned off about the McDonald's date idea, it was that he used a coupon.

Back then I laughed and laughed. And now, even after a self-induced month of dating with a nightly limit of $31, I still have no idea how I feel about coupons on a first date.

In some ways, I think we look at it as a monetary sign of worth. And in other ways, people might look at coupons on a first date as a sign of well-planned finances. So what do you think? Is it okay to use a coupon on a first date?

May 13, 2010

The Green-Eyed Monster

Has jealousy ever killed your relationship? I know we hear a lot about men being jealous, but I know we women are to blame for it as well. I've had times when I've been jealous of the pretty girls in school. Or I found myself being jealous of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends.
Typically, my jealous feelings were unfounded and did nothing more than helped me feel bad about myself.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow jealousy to take over when the only ones we're hurting are us?

There are many roots of jealousy: distrust, self-loathing, fear, uncertainty in the relationship, entitlement, even boredom or a general dissatisfaction with the relationship.

Recently Woman's Day and AOL Living surveyed 2,000 women about jealousy. Here are some of their findings that I found interesting:

Is Jealousy a Problem in Your Marriage?
No, not at all: 55%
Yes, I don't really trust my husband:19%
Yes, my husband gets jealous if I even talk to another man: 13%
Yes, neither of us trusts the other: 12%

Other findings:
44% admit that trust issues have put a big dent in wedded bliss. But 55% say that jealousy never rears its ugly head in marriage.
Other statistics tell a much different story. Jealousy may play much more of a role in marriage than you're willing to admit.

77% of the wives polled say they'd be jealous if their husband had a close, platonic female friend. While a mere 13% of husbands claim to be the superjealous type, the majority of women don't like it if their guy has a strictly friends-only gal pal.
53% of you secretly check his phone messages and e-mails.
53% of you flirt to make your man jealous.


So how do we stop jealousy from getting out of control? Here are a few little tidbits I dug up:

*Seek the truth and accept it. Is your jealousy based on facts? Or have you somehow created a storyline in your head that seems all-too real?
*Talk with your partner and keep in mind that your goal is to strengthen the relationship, not to blame your partner for your emotions.
*Accept your own emotion of jealousy and take control of it.

May 12, 2010

The 31 Dates

I kicked off 2009 (and my 31st year) with a dating challenge that I hoped would teach me something about where I was going wrong in my relationships. I wanted to learn quickly and learn from the best. I developed an intense one month "master's class in men" and enrolled myself. My teachers: 30 incredible single men who were willing to take me on a first date and have a fun time in New York City.

My 31st date fell on Valentine's Day, 2009. With the help of faithful blog readers/voters, one man was chosen for an incredible second date to Broadway's hottest ticket in town and dinner at one of the Upper West Side's finest.

When I started this project, I had no intentions of finding a boyfriend. In fact, I had no idea what would happen. I just wanted to learn something. What I found was more than I could have ever imagined! Would you believe one of these former bachelors is now my husband??

Check out my 31 life-changing dates! You can find out the back-story soon when my book is published in 2011! (Thanks to Seal Press!)

Date #1 - Rob from Long Island
Date #2 - Joel: more than friends?
Date #3 - Chris and the Knicks
Date #4 - Ryan praises Harlem
Date #5 - Adam in TVland
Date #6 - Evan bails me out
Date #7 - Jared from Minnesota
Date #8 - Allen gives A.D.D. a good name
Date #9 - Giant Jon is a big kid
Date #10 - Billy from the internet
Date #11 - Jason heats up the dancefloor
Date #12 - Christian the comedian
Date #13 - Michael is a brainiac
Date #14 - Tyler, the doctor from DC
Date #15 - Gabriel climbs to the top
Date #16 - Brian the dating pro
Date #17 - Peter and the Park
Date #18 - Jonathan, so dreamy
Date #19 - Kevin from work
Date #20 - Collin tries 31 flavors
Date #21 - Juan-Carlos schools me
Date #22 - Derek changes the game
Date #23 - Jeremiah, the yin to my yang
Date #24 - Mike from Portland, Oregon
Date #25 - Jared from Boston
Date #26 - Dan and me, the cougar
Date #27 - Nick signs a lease on my heart
Date #28 - Tyson tours Chinatown
Date #29 - Andrew, a broken foot heals my heart
Date #30 - Scott scopes out Staten Island
Date #31 - My second date (and now-husband!)

May 11, 2010

Break-up = Day off?

My friends at work knew me well enough to know that if I called in sick, it was either because of a sinus infection or a breakup. Both were unbearable.
Now, one company is offering "Heartache leave" for the heartbroken. The number of days offered accumulate the longer you work for the company. Makes sense to me!
Here's a link to an article on it.
Would you stay home after a breakup? I have a lil poll going on my site, so vote!

May 7, 2010

The Science Behind a Good Marriage

A new book outlines the facts and findings of strong marriages. The title is, "For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage."
I love this idea! Let's keep working toward loving, lasting relationships!

May 6, 2010

Make it Last

I saw this lil' article with stories from married couples who give advice on how they've made their marriage stick.

Over the years I've had the opportunity to interview lots and lots of people. One of my favorite questions to ask the long-lasting couples, "What's your secret to staying together?" My favorite response was from Don Cheadle, who's been with his girlfriend Bridgid since 1997. They have two kids together. He told me, "Neither one of us wants to leave at the same time."

What's your secret to lasting love?

Love for Mac Lovers

Coming in June, a dating site for Apple fans.

April 27, 2010

Facebook: Boys v. Girls

A new study highlights the social differences between men and women and says the way you use online social networks reflects how you live your offline life. What do you think about it?

March 3, 2010

Married!


From "hopeless romantic"... to bride!

One year after my "31 Dates" adventure, I married the man of my dreams!




thanks to MegRuthPhotography for the wedding pictures!


We're happy as can be!

February 24, 2010

Media Appearances

The New York Times link
Oprah Radio
link
Good Morning America
link
NY Post
link

Fox & Friends
link

NBC New York
link
GMA Weekend
link
NY Post
link
GMA Radio
link
The Roanoke Times link
GMA Weekend link
Undercurrents link

Tamara is happy to be represented by Frank Weimann, founder of The Literary Group International.
She is also grateful for the editors at Seal Press.

If you would like to contact Tamara, email her at 31datesin31days@gmail.com

October 15, 2009

{A Follow-Up}

So where did we leave off?

Oh yes.
Last you heard, I had just finished my whirlwind, life-changing adventure. I had gone out on Date #31 with this guy, Evan. You remember him, right?

Well.
Since then, I've been writing the book version of my story, 31 Dates in 31 Days. I've also been giving myself some breathing room, enjoying New York City, travelling... and most of that has been with Evan. We've been having a lot of fun!
In the last eight months, we've travelled to DC, Philadelphia, L.A., Sacramento, Seattle, Portland, and just last weekend we were in New Hampshire. That's where he gave me this:


Haha!!!! Yes! I'm serious! Evan and I are ENGAGED!

We haven't set a date yet, but it will be soon (as in December or January)!

I've been lucky to become friends with the other 29 guys I met (one is even Evan's roommate now and another was on vacation with us when we got engaged!).
It's funny. I'm sure all the guys who went out with me probably just see me as this chick they took out once for a few hours. But to me, they each hold this magnificent, special place in my soul as a teacher and friend. It's pretty remarkable and I will forever be grateful for my 31 Dates.

I'm nearing the finish line on my book (still no publisher, so please keep your fingers crossed for me!), which has been a learning experience in itself! What an incredible happy ending to the story, right?

So in the next couple months I'll be planning a wedding and finishing the manuscript! Wow! Too fun!
Thank you so much for being part of my fun adventure! I started out looking to learn something (anything!) and not only ended up changing my perspective on love and life -- I also met the man of my dreams! From cynic-of-love to fiancee... Can you believe it?
Neither can I!

January 23, 2009

Our Inner 9-Year-Olds Break Out - Jon

I have never high-fived someone so often on a date.

I knew right away that Jon and I would be fast friends. He had driven all the way from Boston just to be part of this project, waking up before 7am to get here by 10.

He was just as he described himself: a big white guy standing at a grand 6'5", with a giant black afro. He's a gentle giant with a soft, tenor voice that contradicts his overwhelming presence.
I immediately declared that he belonged in Portland, Oregon. I had lived there for several years, declaring it one of the best cities in the nation... and hopefully future home of Jon.
He was wearing a retro salmon jacket that he had proudly snagged at the Salvation Army. He loved it so much he had to have it, detouring from his usual outfit of pajama bottoms and a trenchcoat.

Jon isn't scary. He's just quirky. Artsy. And he has a devilish, fun nature about him. He's a good mix of a mad scientist with the paradoxical personality of Santa Claus and the Cheshire Cat.
I assessed rather quickly, "You're twisted!"

He laughed, taking it as a compliment.

We headed down to our first destination: the carousel in Central Park, where you can have a fast, fun ride for just a couple bucks. We pretended we were riding real horses, that we were flying, and that we were on a scary roller coaster ride.

This was Jon's first time in Central Park and he was loving it.
I was too!

We headed to his destination of choice: F.A.O. Scwhwartz.
This man belongs in a big toy store.

We were welcomed by Hector, who was standing behind a table with a bunch of Rubik's Cubes. He offered, "You mix it! I twist it!"
Jon quickly challenged back, "YOU mix it, I twist it!"
I was impressed!
Jon mentioned he was out of practice, but it wasn't obvious. Hector had mixed the cube up pretty well and Jon squared it back to perfection in a miraculous one minute, 50 seconds!
Then it was Hector's turn. He fiddled with the toy while explaining that there are really four main techniques, one of which he uses most often; the one that helped him win the competition, completing the task in just one minute.
I could not believe my eyes.

We then walked around, finding some more toys to play with. They even had their own Make-Your-Own-Muppet studio, where Jon found himself chatting with a puppet. We headed upstairs and colored pictures of each other. Jon spotted the giant piano made famous by the Tom Hanks movie, "Big" and he tapped out his best version of the Sesame Street theme song.

There is much more to Jon than just silliness though. For work, he helps children with autism, which has been an important issue to him for most of his life. When he was 10, his youngest brother was diagnosed with the disease, forever changing his family and his own character. Jon respected his brother's discomfort with loud noises, so he learned to do activities out of the house, became more confident, and grew a strong sense of compassion for people.

He's a filmmaker who strives to capture irony on camera. And he loves to figure people out, understanding their intentions.

He's a deep thinker who makes quick assessments of society one minute and the next, makes obscure comic book references. He has a loving heart -- a romantic who still remembers the sad moment when he caught his high school girlfriend kissing a Bass on the choir field trip.
He believes in love.

We bounced around the store, discovering childhood favorites. I oohed and ahhed at the Strawberry Shortcake dolls. He loved the Legos. And we both were magnetized by the lure of some small creatures that meant the world to us: the Smurfs. Our favorites: Jon liked the smurf dressed as the Grim Reaper, and I liked Smurfette in a wedding gown.
That makes sense.

In only a few hours, we had gone from strangers to lifelong friends. I kept reminding him of other friends he needed to meet, plays to read, and videos to watch. We were building a foundation among a unique shared experience that only a first date without strings attached can offer.

As we headed back to the park, I thought about my freedom in friendships when I was a child. Boys could be friends with girls and it wasn't complicated. And that's how I looked at it with Jon: a simple friendship among two seemingly complex people.
It works.

January 21, 2009

Seven Deadly Dating Sins - Jared from Minnesota

VANITY
I stared at myself in the mirror, slipping on a pair of leggings to wear underneath my jeans.
"How will I look cute being all bundled up with a million layers on?" I asked myself. I hurried to get dressed, grabbed my fleece jacket out of the closet and stuffed the pockets with my keys, camera, cash, phone, and metrocard. As I walked out the door I noticed my greatest fashion faux pas: my fleece had pet fur all over it.

This was going to be a weak first impression.

My friend, Kat, met Jared at an audition last week and asked him out for me. She told me he was cute, but as I walked up to him at Bryant Park I thought, "This guy is way more cute than she told me!"
Jared stands at 6'2" with broad shoulders, a light freckled complexion, and strawberry blond locks that drift lightly onto his brow. His smile beams and warmth shines through his soft eyes. He is the type of man I would have swooned over in school and made a complete idiot out of myself talking to him. I could already feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

MONEY

"I brought something for you," he said.
"Really?" I beamed!
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a can of highly caffeinated Rock Star with a ribbon on top. He knew that I had very few hours of sleep the night before and I was running on empty.
His gift only made him more desirable in my eyes.

But it did have me concerned about our budget! The cost to rent ice skates was $12 a pair, plus the $7 for the staff to watch our stuff. Did the sweet surprise of caffeine break our $31 limit?


HUMILIATION
We put on our ice skates and Jared explained that he was a little concerned about the toe picks on the rental pair, since he was used to skating without them. Growing up in Minnesota, he had played hockey. In fact, he had just moved to the city a couple weeks before to further pursue his acting career.

His friends had made fun of him, saying ice skating was such a cliché date. But Jared didn't care. He was excited to do something fun in the city for the first time.
We stepped onto the ice and I realized it had been a long time since I had been ice skating.
"How quickly will it take for me to fall?" I wondered.

But Jared fell first.
Very nice of him to break the tension.

POLITICS
Being President Obama's first full day in office, we discussed how we felt about our nation's future, how we voted, and what we thought about the Inauguration. He talked about where he grew up and how it shaped the way he looked at the world. He had lived in smaller towns than I had in states where I’d never been: Minnesota, Alaska, South Dakota. He spoke of his family, their relationships, and how he felt about raising a family in the city versus the suburbs.

RELIGION
We delved into the spiritual paths we’ve both taken in our lives. Jared grew up Lutheran and his father was a Catholic. I mentioned my interest and involvement with many religions throughout my life: Methodist, Presbyterian, Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Baptist, Unitarian, Mormon. I even revealed my quietly kept college curiosity in Paganism and Viking runes.
We talked about our current philosophies and what we had gone through to get us here. We met eye-to-eye, believing there is a God and that there’s truth in all things. We both seem to be, overall, very hopeful people trying to make the most of our lives and pushing ourselves to become better people. We discussed possibility, risk, and dreams.

MARRIAGE
We stepped off the ice and grabbed the bag we rented to stow our shoes. I took out the can of soda and gently shook the bag, just to make sure we got everything out of it. Something shiny, silver, and round dropped out. I slowly picked it up, realizing that it was none other than a wedding band.
I was transfixed by its series of diamonds staring up at me, partly puzzled and mostly wondering, "Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of sign??"
I alerted the woman working the counter to please keep it in the Lost and Found.

COVETING
We walked to Grand Central Station where we sat, talking for a few hours. We discussed human nature, theater, and what drives people to live life the way they do. We both held the similar longing to understand why people do what they do.
I was fascinated. I was intrigued. I was hooked.
We finally got up and parted ways, leaving me with a virtue sitting upon my heart: hope.

January 20, 2009

Six Degrees of Separation Anxiety and its Stress-Free Solution - Evan

Side effects of my sleepiness:
* cranky attitude
* panicky
* disorganization

I have quickly learned that in addition to my regular 8-hour gig, I have now assigned myself three extra part time jobs:

1. Producer: This role takes up a lot of my time. It requires finding guys who are willing to be involved with the project, figuring out a time that will work for both of us, and helping decide what to do on our date.

2. Dater: Obviously, this is not your typical dating situation. In addition to all of the regular dating jitters, I have found my biggest responsibility is forgetting everything else I have to do and just have fun. That's the most important element when getting to know someone and I'm hoping to do my best to really get to know as much as I can about these guys in the short time we're together. They're taking the time out of their busy schedules to hang out with me, so the least I can do is respect them.

3. Writer: Every night I come home and write up my day's events. This takes several hours. I have to admit, the writing portion of this project tends to circle around in my head all day. When I mentioned that I try to keep focus on my dates, my most tempting distraction is "what am I going to write about this?"

The bigger concern today was whether my plans would actually go through.

I received a confirmation notice about our tickets this morning and I realized that it was a 7:00 show and not 8:00 as I had previously thought! I knew my date couldn't make that time, so we had two options: find other plans. Or we postpone and I find another guy.

We opted for the latter.

And thus began my first major panicked moment of this project. I had two hours to find another date.
People keep asking me, "What happens if one of the dates can't make it?"
"I guess I'll have to ask someone off the street..."

I sent out an email to my friends (ie. "Dating Agents") and asked for help. I gave myself 20 minutes. If nothing had come through by then, I told myself that I would head outside and start asking random guys.
The thought of that scares me a lot, but I keep reminding myself that dating doesn't have to be that big of a deal. These are simple opportunities to get to know someone better.
I'm not asking someone to marry me.
I'm not even asking him to be my boyfriend or love me or even like me.
I'm asking him to take time out of his busy life to get to know me. I have a feeling if we all looked at dating this way, it would make the whole process less stressful.

Still.
I was stressed.
Really stressed.

Twelve minutes went by and my friend, Mike, sent someone my way.

Enter: Evan.

I had no idea who this Evan was, but he received ringing endorsements from our mutual friends. He also happens to work right next to the theater where I have landed free - yes free - tickets to a new musical. A $100 value for absolutely nothing.

So how did I get these said free tickets?

Well, there's a little trick that I've been keeping for years and years and now I will share it with you.
Being a recovering actor, I can tell you, the last thing you want is an empty audience. Even if the crowd hates you, at least someone is watching. So the theaters will go out of their way to get a full house. Your word of mouth might make them more money in the long-run compared to the amount they're losing on giving you a free ticket.
If you wait until the last minute (or if you spend endless hours online tracking stuff down like I do), you can typically find a really great deal.

Getting a sweet deal like this makes a new (and possibly really terrible) show bearable.


I knew I'd like Evan right away. Any of the guys who are willing to sign up for this project gets my respect right away. In this case, I was especially grateful for Evan not only bailing me out at the last minute but also for his excitement.

I met him at the Algonquin Theater downtown for the new musical called, "Sessions." The show is about a bunch of people in group therapy. And after the stress I was feeling, I was certainly ready for some therapy even if it were vicarious and fictional.
Evan apparently was the perfect date for this event. In the few minutes we chatted before the show I learned that he was a very easy-going guy and that he liked musicals. Most guys I've dated have not, so that was refreshing! Also, he happened to fit the bill of most of the qualities I had on the list I made when I was 20 for my "ideal man"... around 6 feet tall, brown curly hair, blue eyes. He even plays the guitar!

During the show, we couldn't help but laugh at some of the parts that seemed obvious or ridiculous. I felt like I was one of the bad kids talking during class. Evan was even passing me a note at one point!

After the show we headed uptown to our common ground: Columbia University. I went there for grad school a few years ago and Evan is finishing up his masters degree. He took me to one of his favorite spots on campus that I had never seen before up on top one of the buildings. It was so beautiful up there! We had a clear view of the Empire State Building on one end and the GW Bridge on the other!
Evan told me a little about his life and passions. He grew up in southern California and went to college in Hawaii -- the perfect combo for a man who loves to surf. He has travelled the world, mostly in search of great waves.
I have to admit, when I think of surfer, Evan is not the kind of guy who comes to mind. I mean, he doesn't talk like Keanu Reeves in "Bill and Ted", he's planning on getting a PhD, and he has a quick wit!

There is something about Evan that makes it very easy to talk to him. In a way I felt as if we had already known each other and just picked up after a long separation. Evan took me to get some dessert and I actually could have sat there and talked with him all night. But they closed up shop at 11 and kicked us out. And besides, I had to come back to work at 3am.
Sacrificing sleep might be tough for the next few weeks, but the benefits of meeting men like Evan outweigh it.

Think about it. Just a few hours before, he had been asked by a friend to take out some girl so she could talk publicly about him... and he not only happily volunteered, but he also had fun and was a complete gentleman. He even put me in a cab and paid for my ride home!

After a long, stressful day, Evan turned out to be the antidote I needed.
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