Who really understands the words to Auld Lang Syne? We hear it every year when the ball drops at midnight, and all I can think about is this moment in "When Harry Met Sally."
Here are the original old Scottish words from Robert Burns and their translation into modern English:
So yes, as Sally says -- "It's about old friends."
Happy new year to you, friend.
20/20 post-breakup hindsight usually makes me feel embarrassed about many of the decisions I made during my relationships. I fell for some guys even though I knew they were bad for me. And then I'd long for them when they were gone. And sometimes I'd even feel out of control.
For instance, I had a horribly painful breakup in college. We'd had one of those passionate relationships filled with life-altering dramas and figured our love would conquer all. In my 18-year-old mind, I had won the lottery in love. He was a handsome boy who I remember thinking was particularly unlikeable when we first met, but somehow he'd won me over. He sang beautifully. He wooed me. I loved his family. We'd considered ourselves engaged to one another and even opened a bank account to save money for a ring.
During the Summer, we regularly drove the five-hour return trip to see each other. One day I was nearly to his house when I stopped at a payphone (remember those?). He told me not to come anymore.
"Who is she?" I demanded.
So here was one of those moments when you say something and you wonder whose voice was talking or where the words were coming from. Because I'd never suspected before that my boyfriend was a cheater. He was a scoundrel in many, many other ways, but until that moment, I never thought he'd cheat. I figured those words were somehow given to me by providence, so I pursued them.
"WHO IS SHE?" I yelled, not caring if any of the passersby heard me or saw my frantic, tantrum-having state.
He was silent for a moment and I held my breath for his answer.
"Her name is Kristen."
I stood there in paralytic shock, unsure of what had happened. I hung up the phone and drove back home, two hours wailing through blurry tears. I'd eventually learn that my providential insight was right - that dude was apparently a major cheater the whole time we were together.
The next morning I even had my wisdom teeth removed. I remember laying on that doctor's table with dry tears in the corner of my puffy eyes. They put a huge piece of plastic in my mouth, forcing my mouth open before giving me an anesthetic and asked how I was. With a forced, widened jaw I drifted into teeth-removing medically-induced sleep uttering words no one understood, "My fiance just broke up with me."
The next while was lonely and pathetic. Picture me alone in my pink flannel pajamas after getting my wisdom teeth removed, refusing to take the pain pills because I figured I was dying of a broken heart. And then multiply that by a few weeks. Not a pretty sight. When my stitches healed, I got into my car and drove the two hours to his parents' house. It was one of those moments when I had lost a lot of weight from my non-eating and figured I'd get in a cute dress, look hot, and try to win my boyfriend back. The whole drive, I kept rehearsing my address to him. I kept debating whether I was doing the right thing. And I wondered what Kristen looked like.
No one was home.
I sat outside the driveway for a few hours. If he'd arrive, I'd just tell him that I just got there a few minutes ago. "What a coincidence" that we'd be there at the same time. I could tell him I was on my way somewhere south of him and they happened to be on the way. Instead I chose to write a note and paste it on the door: Just stopped by to say, "Hi."
And then I drove home.
It was basically the worst breakup of my life. Okay, so those are words people throw around, but in reality, that was the trigger that led me to near-suicide in just a few weeks and kind of messed me up for a long time.
I tend to think my painful, passionate breakup isn't so uncommon. Like many relationships, my emotions, my loneliness, or my depression would rule my heart and my actions. And thus, would lead to lots and lots of mistakes.
Recently I ran across this article, called "The Stupid Things You Do When Dating (and How to Fix Them)." The article basically talks about how our hormones and emotions will play tricks on us, making us thinkwe love someone more than we probably really do. Or we push ourselves into relationships that might not be best for us. So, in the spirit of the "end of 2011 countdowns," I give you their top five stupid mistakes that we make based on how our hormones mislead our hearts:
#5. You believe the opposite sex should always understand what you're saying
#4. You choose the partner you're most likely to lose rather than the best one
#3. You try to hide the physical features you consider unattractive
#2. Wearing cologne, perfume, and body sprays inhibit others from finding you attractive
#1. You confuse heightened emotions for physical attraction
I love their "number one." It makes me think of those reality love shows and how people think they're in love in the end but really they're probably just sharing an intense experience that no one else understands and they confuse it for love.
In fact, after I did my 31 Dates in 31 Days and eventually became engaged to Date #31, I'm pretty sure people thought the same of me. They thought, "this chick is just hooking up with this dude because it's a pretty little ending to her story." There was even one time when I was on Oprah Radio and was asked, "What do you say to critics?"
Okay, so that is a CLASSIC ploy that those of us who regularly interview people use. It's basically the person saying, "I think you're full of crap, but that's not nice to say, so I'll pretend other people are thinking it."
Remember when Tom Cruise jumped on the couch proclaiming his love for Katie Holmes? All of us shook our heads and thought, "CuhRAZY." The next morning Matt Lauer asks, "What do you say to your critics who think, 'This guy is NUTS'?"
I loved having someone else pull that ploy on me.
Although now that I type that out, I do realize that I just compared myself to Tom Cruise on the Crazy Train.
And in further end of the year celebration, here's your New Year's Eve love song of the day, courtesy of Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Now I want to go watch "500 Days of Summer." Such a great movie - unless you're dealing with a recent broken heart and sitting in your pink flannel pajamas...
A few days ago one of my email accounts was hacked. Not so merry a Christmas present for me - and the hundreds of friends who received spam from my account. (Apparently I was spreading email viruses like I wanted to spread Christmas cheer.)
It did give me an excuse to send apologies to all my friends and wish them a merry forthcoming 2012 filled with lots of dates. This is the response I received from my friend, Sara:
I just had a date this evening, in fact. Finishing off 2011 just how I want to begin 2012. :)
Exactly what I hope for all of us.
May your 2012 be filled with 31 Dates!
What is it about celebrity breakups and make-ups that piques so much interest? I keep wondering how Kim Kardashian became famous for doing nothing and now she's even more famous for her insta-marriage. And there's something that makes the "Bennifers" and "Brangelinas" seem like they're somewhat super-human. People will wonder, "What's it like to be famous and in love with someone so beautiful?"
I'm usually not starstruck. In fact, I'd been at my last job for three years before my life-long best friend found out exactly what I did for a living. She yelled at me from the other end of the phone while clutching her beloved People magazine. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU INTERVIEW FAMOUS PEOPLE???"
Don Cheadle
During my interviews, my favorite questions were always about their personal relationships. But I wasn't interested in the standard gossip. Instead, I always wondered, "How did you meet? And how has your relationship remained strong in the limelight? How have you and your partner lasted so long?"
My favorite response came from Don Cheadle, who's been with his partner Brigid since 1997. "Neither of us wants to leave at the same time."
Recently I was interviewed for a website, called "Cupid's Pulse." On the site you can find lots of details about celebrity couples but they also dabble into those extra tidbits of information about love and dating that we all crave. Here's the interview they did with me. Cruise their site -- and make sure you check out their weekend date ideas. Then help me track down a good discount for it!
So, today's my birthday. And for the 3rd anniversary of my 31st birthday (that seems to be the most common milestone I mention these days), what I really wanted was to go on a date to Disneyland with my husband and live out the dreams and loves of my childhood. Among those loves was this guy:
I loved everything about Donald Duck. His sassy attitude, his spitting, his poor diction, his love for Daisy, his exhibitionism. Everything.
I even had a big Donald Duck night light that sat on top of a tall book shelf. There he was, high above me, watching over me at night as I fell asleep dreaming of seeing him at Disneyland. Eventually Night Light Donald's head fell off. What was left was just the bottom half of his body - duck butt and yellow feet - with a tiny light bulb shining out from it. I still loved that thing and felt as if Donald were close to me.
Over the years I've collected a bit too much Donald paraphernalia. Even our Christmas tree is donned with enough of The Don to have our own themed tree.
So today, my birthday wish was to see Donald again in real life. Ask him if he remembers me. Hug him and take a picture. But this was as close as I got:
I only held his cute face on my beloved ticket, next to my beloved husband. Okay, so maybe my birthday wish to see the D-Man up close didn't happen. But thankfully I have another handsome, funny, sometimes-exhibitionist man by my side to help my childhood dreams come true, and to watch over me as I dream of more adventures at night.
Goodnight dear friends! Thanks for all the birthday wishes throughout the day. It means the world to me to be remembered and to be in each of your lives.
Typically when I hear about a passionate couple having an intense breakup I tend to believe it's only their first round of several breakups. But what about those old flames who pop back into your life after a long sabbatical?
Today I heard this dating phenomenon referred to as being a "green dater." How many times have you gone green? Or are you a person who is truly DONE when you're done?
After nearly 20 years of marriage, Ann Smith, Executive Director of Breakthrough at Caron, is sharing 10 tips for those people who are considering marriage. I'm curious what you think about her suggestions, especially point number THREE.
Here are her 10 points to review before marriage (and a link for further explanation): 1. Know yourself and your pattern in relationships.
2. Listen carefully to what your new partner says in the first hours and days after meeting.
3. Ignore the fact that you have chemistry.
4. Ask yourself if you could live with this individual exactly as they are today even on their worst days, for the rest of your life.
5. After a few months have passed, notice how you feel about yourself when you are with your partner.
6. Be honest about what this person does not have that you had hoped for in a long term mate.
7. Observe your partner's capacity for love in the rest of his/her life. Also observe your own.
8. Know what your goals and dreams are and commit to keeping them and taking responsibility for your own fulfillment.
9. Get input from those who know you and listen to their feedback.
10. No matter how confident and secure you are in your life as it is, prepare yourself for change.
Yesterday, a lovely woman announced that it was her 40th wedding anniversary. I asked her the same question I ask anyone with such similar longevity in their marriage, "What's your secret."
She smiled and raised her index finger, as if announcing a major point. "Marry a good man."
A couple hours later I ran into her husband and asked him the same question.
"Just marry a great woman," he said.
"She said the same about you."
"Well," he said, "I got the better end of the bargain."
So what about you married types? What's your secret?
This week a big report came out saying that Marriage Rates are Falling. Let me rephrase. This week, news reports seemed to freak out about the falling marriage rates with the same sort of fervor as Henny Penny warned that the sky was falling.
I kept wondering to myself, "Why are we finally making this a big deal?" We talk about this national syndrome every Fall. Remember what we said last year?
From my 2010 write-up on marriage rates: While fewer people are marrying, more couples are choosing to live together. The number of Americans co-habitating rose 13% in just one year, to 7.5 million couples. Analysts around the country believe the recession is to blame for the dramatic change.
According to Brad Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, "Men's employment has taken a big hit, and when the guy doesn't have a stable job, couples are more hesitant about tying the knot." "It makes sense to postpone marriage until economic things are worked out," says Benjamin Karney, co-founder of the Relationship Institute at UCLA. "In the 1950s, two people would get married as a way of starting their adult lives -- that's why you'd give them toasters and plates and linens," Karney said. "Nowadays, marriage is something you build up to and achieve."
Last year's story is similar to this year's. "All time low." "Poor economy is playing a role." "More people are living together." Only in 2010, the reports said that 52% of people were married and now it's only 51%.
Things that have remained fairly consistent since 1960 in America:
1. Fewer people are getting married
2. The median age is increasingly higher when Americans marry for the first time
We have to look at the big picture here. Sure, America's rates are dropping, but what does that really say about our society? Some critics will chant, "the numbers show that America is putting less value on marriage."
Really? Tell that to those same-sex couples who've been fighting for the legal privileges of marriage for decades.
Kim Kardashian is putting less value on marriage. Not America.
Some could even argue the fact that the numbers show that marriage has more value, equalling such a high commitment that people just aren't ready to dive into.
In fact, in light of the recent news, the crew over at SodaHeads took a poll asking simply, "Is marriage relevant?" The reaction: 72% of respondents say YES. Their overall feedback was that, "Marriage will never be outdated. People are just less committed and that is obvious in practically every walk of life."
For the last four decades, we've seen the number of married couples decline by more than 20 percent. We've seen a dramatic increase in the number of couples who live together without marrying. And more people are waiting to be financially stable or have fulfilled certain educational goals. We've watched citizens - and celebrities - change their views on marriage. For instance. Take divorcees Brad and Angelina who say, "When you have six children, you're committed." We all know that philosophy was worthless for "Jon and Kate split after eight."
Is marriage out-dated? Not cool anymore? I must admit, when my husband was recently asked if I were his girlfriend, I blushed, thinking how awesome it was that people looked at us as if we were a fun dating couple and not as boring married people.
Maybe marriage will make its comeback just like everything else vintage.
What I have found interesting about this on-going phenomenon is the growing gap among married people and their education level. Back in 1960 when the Pew Research Institute began really crunching these numbers, it didn't matter if you'd gone to college or not; the number of people married in both education levels was nearly equal. But NOW? If you've gone to college, you're more likely to marry. In fact, more education actually increases your statistical chances of getting married. Married people now have more wealth, more education.
This reminds me of the current nationwide discussion about the "disappearing middle class." Are we nearing a nation that looks clearly divided between the college-educated/married and the unmarried high school graduates? That thought makes me more concerned than the falling marriage rates.
We're in the midst of a major change in the way Americans define marriage. Let's not forget that marriage has constantly been changing its definition. Remember how its roots regarded marriage as a business deal? It was about money and exchange of property (with women being used as the biggest bargaining chip). Now, people marry for many different reasons. But mostly, we marry for love.
What are your thoughts about the recent reports? Today's 31 Dates poll: Is Marriage Going Out of Style? Please click on the poll to vote!
I work with a couple dozen teenage girls here in Los Angeles, and one of the things we talk about a lot is "choice and accountability" - making choices and accepting the consequences and results of our actions.
Today I ran across this video from an African-American woman calling out black women for the way they're treated by men. "We need some accountability," she says, claiming that many black women are making poor choices in the men they date and need to acknowledge those poor choices.
The video from Lydia Cotton is getting reaction from men and women of all races. The woman speaking claims that we need to treat ourselves better and allow men into our lives who will treat us well.
The video is ten minutes long. Let me know what you think.
Filmmakers Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero think they've found the answer to that tricky question: Can men and women be friends?
Today I'm asking you: Can men and women be friends? I have a poll posted on the blogsite, so please weigh in. If you're in the mood to comment, let me know why you think men and women can or can't be friends.
And if you can't come up with any good reasons for your answer, maybe this will help...
We've all messed up when it comes to trying to snag a second date with someone. We're unsure whether the person will want to go. We wonder whether those cues they were sending were signs of actual interest or them "just being nice." It's a little confusing.
But then we make a choice. How far do we go to get that person to pay attention to us?
One woman posted a unique attempt by one guy hoping to get a second date. Apparently the girl had tickets to the philharmonic, but ended up going alone when her friend bailed at the last minute. That's where she met a guy and ended up going out on ONE date with him. Apparently he called, texted, and then tracked down her email, hoping to get a second date. Here's the 1,604 word email she posted from him on reddit.com.
Hi Lauren,
I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.
I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.
Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:
-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.
-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.
-You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn't interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said--that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.
-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this statement.
In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.
Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don't go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I'm curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it's difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).
I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.
Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don't, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don't want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn't want to go again. Normally, I wouldn't ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.
If you don't want to go again, then apparently you didn't think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.
If you're not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn't given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you're planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You're very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn't take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I've gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I'm not a serial dater. Sometimes, I've only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.
Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it's better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.
I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don't want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.
If you're concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don't want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I'm sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.
If you don't want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn't act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it's not perfect. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I'm disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don't want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.
You thought IKEA was just the perfect spot for a new desk, 99 cent breakfast, and endless refills of Lingonberry juice? Au contraire.
Apparently it's now the hotspot for single seniors in Shanghai. While they shop in fake kitchens for their HONGSPKLARS and FIGNRKENSCHLAUGENS, they might spot true love across the way.
So what's so appealing about IKEA? Other than it's non-threatening atmosphere, there's FREE COFFEE. IKEA gives free coffee to anyone with a Family membership card.
Really? That's IT? Free COFFEE? Then what makes IKEA more appealing than Al-Anon and the mingling hour at Protestant churches?
The seniors head to IKEA in droves - I'm talking anywhere between 70 and SEVEN HUNDRED people.
Crowd control has proven difficult, as reported in The Wall Street Journal:
They sit for hours in the cafeteria, leaving behind orange peels and egg shells they have picked off boiled eggs brought from home. Occasionally, security guards intervene to try to keep order. ... Policing the freeloaders and the unruly isn't so easy. Attempting to tell a rowdy crowd of seniors to lower their voices recently, 24-year-old security guard Li Ya says he encountered resistance. An older man who didn't enjoy being hushed by someone 40 years his junior, says Mr. Li, once splashed scalding coffee on him. "They always argue that they have the right to do what they want here," says Mr. Li.
Hmmmm.... so these seniors are not only cheap - doing anything they can for a free cup of coffee - but they're also messy and unruly? Not the most appealing crowd of singles, eh?
Remember how some of those old movies like "Meet Me In St. Louis" showed men lining up to get their names on a woman's dance card? At formal balls during the 19th century, women would tie the little booklets around their wrists along with a pencil. As men would ask her if she were available for a dance that evening, she would write his name on the dance card. This was a great way for men to make sure they'd get to spend time with the women they were interested in. Maybe it wasn't as great for the women who weren't as coveted... And it also likely proved problematic for women who had no excuse to deny an unwanted partner a dance.
A new dating site (launching in New York City now before kicking off around the rest of the world) operates a little like those fancy dance cards but with a mediator to tell the bozos wanting dances, "Sorry, her dance card is full." The site is called Black Book 365 and is the brainchild of some savvy overachievers who wanted to weed out the non-committal duds they found on most other dating sites. No instant messaging. No constant barrage of emails from guys who ask "Can I see your picture?" Instead, this site has a matchmaking crew to help whittle the list of interested people for you.
So here's how it works: Every day, Black Book 365 will feature one of the city's most eligible bachelors along with one of its most desireable bachelorettes. Each of the featured singles pays for their day in the spotlight which includes an interview session with the website matchmakers and a professional photo shoot. Then, anyone who's signed up for the site with their own (free) profile can show their interest in going out on a first date with that person by submitting a "calling card" (which sounds kind of like a hidden "like" button that only the system administrators can see). Then the matchmakers take a look at all the people who "liked" the featured man or woman of the day and narrow the list to 25 of the top matches.
The site just kicked off a couple weeks ago in New York. It will arrive in 25 more cities around the world within the next year.
What do you think? Does this sound like something you'd be interested in doing?
A couple weeks ago I heard an interesting study that asked, "Who knows their partner better? Someone who's been coupled for five years? Or fifty years?"
yummmm
According to the study, those who'd been together for just a little while were better at predicting their partner's likes and dislikes. The study suggested that couples who'd been together for many years didn't pay much attention to their partner's changing interests. As I started to think about it, it made sense. After all, these days of early marital bliss are spent solely with one another - without kids. I know that my husband usually hates olives, but in the last few months, he's started to like them a little. (Thank goodness!) And he knows that I prefer Sprite over 7-Up and Fresca. But that's not just because we pay attention to each other, we also talk about it.
Apparently, silence is golden in the Golden Years.
Another study from the UK says that a couple married for 50 years will chat for only THREE MINUTES during an entire hour-long dinner. That means 57 minutes of silence while mushing on the early-bird special. Married with little kids? Those parents only chat 10 minutes during dinner. And those Brits who seem to get to know each other best are those who seem to be the most chatty.
But guess what, Americans? Studies have shown that our couples talk to each other even LESS OFTEN than that. On average, married American couples with kids only talk to each other for around 15 minutes a DAY. Other experts think the conversation time is even less, with only 15 minutes of real talk a WEEK. Yowza!
So today the New York Daily News offered some solutions and some ideas to "get to know your mate" a bit better. My favorite is this quiz below that they created. How well would you and your partner answer?
1. If you were planning a surprise party for them, what would you organize?
A) A blow out party of the century or a low key affair with closest friends. B) A casual outdoor soiree or a catered gourmet extravaganza. C) What music would be your partner’s preference, a DJ or live band?
2. If you were to choose your partner’s career, what would they rather be? A) Nine to five desk job with little or no responsibility. B) A Creative role in a ground-breaking industry C) A management role where they can exercise their leadership skills.
3. It’s your partner’s birthday, what gift would they love to receive? A) Tickets to a sporting event or concert. B) A shopping spree at their favorite store C) The latest and greatest electronic gadget.
4. You are in charge of planning your sweetheart’s dream vacation. You plan… A) A relaxing island getaway with plenty of little umbrella drinks B) An extreme sports adventure chock full of adrenaline C) A historical city tour complete with walking guide and map
5. It’s movie night and your lover put you in charge of choosing a movie. You choose… A) An action flick…explosions and fight scenes rule! B) Romantic comedy…hint hint C) Scary…you like an excuse to cuddle up
6. Although it may be early, you begin to make retirement plans. Your partner would… A) Back pack around Europe for the next year B) Watch TV for the rest of their life C) Volunteer or take up a new hobby together
7. If your partner went back to school, what would they study? A) History or sociology B) Mathematics or accounting C) Science and technology
8. You surprise your lover with a new dog. You bring them home a… A) A teacup pup….the yappier the better B) A giant couch potato C) A workout buddy
9. If your partner won the lottery, they would… A) Blow it all on expensive toys B) Invest it wisely and continue to work C) Splurge a bit and pay off some bills
10. What romantic gesture would your partner most appreciate? A) Sunset walk on the beach with your favorite bottle B) A love letter, poem, or card C) Arrange to do their favorite, but your least favorite activity
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