What Do These Commercials Tell Us About Marriage?

Lately I've been seeing a few commercials that have similar undertones, all of them indicating this: "Don't get married; have fun instead!"

Take a look at these two:




I'll admit, maybe I'm being sensitive. But this does bring me back to a conversation I had several years ago with a woman who'd been married 20 years. I told her how I was glad I'd spent my twenties single since it'd given me an opportunity to really "live" life. Her response surprised me. "Really?" she said. "I felt like getting married gave me the excuse to start doing everything I'd ever wanted to do."
We all have different perspectives, and that moment changed mine.

Honda says it's not that the fun can't happen after the milestones, they're just talking about making a list of your goals before taking the next big leap in life - or a "Leap List." It's kind of like a "bucket list," but instead of coming up with every goal you want to accomplish before kicking the bucket, you can think in smaller, more manageable dreams that you can accomplish before taking your next big leap.

Still, those commercials make me wonder - do people really believe our best or most exciting adventures in life need to end when our partnering begins?
If so, what does that mean when we have kids??

Lookin' For Love in All the Wrong Places? Try IKEA

Best IKEA couch EVER

You thought IKEA was just the perfect spot for a new desk, 99 cent breakfast, and endless refills of Lingonberry juice? Au contraire.

Apparently it's now the hotspot for single seniors in Shanghai. While they shop in fake kitchens for their HONGSPKLARS and FIGNRKENSCHLAUGENS, they might spot true love across the way.

So what's so appealing about IKEA? Other than it's non-threatening atmosphere, there's FREE COFFEE. IKEA gives free coffee to anyone with a Family membership card.

Really? That's IT? Free COFFEE? Then what makes IKEA more appealing than Al-Anon and the mingling hour at Protestant churches?

The seniors head to IKEA in droves - I'm talking anywhere between 70 and SEVEN HUNDRED people.
Crowd control has proven difficult, as reported in The Wall Street Journal:

     They sit for hours in the cafeteria, leaving behind orange peels and egg shells they have picked off boiled eggs brought from home. Occasionally, security guards intervene to try to keep order.
     ... Policing the freeloaders and the unruly isn't so easy. Attempting to tell a rowdy crowd of seniors to lower their voices recently, 24-year-old security guard Li Ya says he encountered resistance. An older man who didn't enjoy being hushed by someone 40 years his junior, says Mr. Li, once splashed scalding coffee on him. "They always argue that they have the right to do what they want here," says Mr. Li.

Hmmmm.... so these seniors are not only cheap - doing anything they can for a free cup of coffee - but they're also messy and unruly? Not the most appealing crowd of singles, eh?

Do Yourself a Favor

Somehow I lucked out and got three free months of The Atlantic magazine. I have to admit, I'm not usually a subscriber to magazines, although I love reading them.

This month, the cover article, All the Single Ladies, begins by revealing the dating history of the writer, Kate Bolick, who is nearly 40, still single, and totally fine with it. Admittedly, when I first began her 12,000 word essay, I thought she was dealing with denial, claiming she was content with her single status while likely secretly moping on the couch. Maybe I was just projecting my former 30-year-old self. And as I continued reading, I learned that Bolick had spent many months researching the current status of the single American gal, contacting many of my favorite relationship "experts" and analysts.

Dive in and let me know what you think. I'm sure I'll have several posts about it.

In Defense of New York City Singles

Dear Statistics,
Please stop picking on my friends. I see articles like this with headlines boasting New York Leads the Nation in Single Ladies! all the time. My friends are starting to believe what I once believed while living in the city - "I'm never gonna get married."
Sure, the other reaction could be, "That's WHY I live here because I don't WANT to get married." But really, do we need to keep throwing these numbers around over and over again and pulling whatever we want from them? What good is this doing?
If we're going to look at you, I want to start seeing ALL of your numbers. Let us know what people are really dealing with before making it sound like we're all crazy.
                                                                                               -Tamara

So here's the deal.
According to the latest stats, apparently 41.7% of New York City women (over the age of 15) are single and 46.7% of the men (and boys over 15) are still single. Which ranks New York women as the leading single-lady-city in the nation. Some people hear this statistic and start blaring Beyonce while doing the "Single Ladies" dance. Others put on their pajamas and eat bon-bons.

Maybe NYC gals stay single because they have a lot of options, since there are SO MANY single guys to choose from.
I know, I know.
"HOW can you say that??" you ask. "Don't OTHER statistics say that there's only one single guy for every FIVE single gals in New York? Doesn't everyone say this is the WORST city for dating?"

Oh goodness. You're making me go look at the 2010 Census now, aren't you?
*sigh*

Okay, so I've spent the last few hours staring at the numbers and analyzing them a bit. In the midst of my research, I found a few lil' interesting tidbits.

First: The 2010 Census shows that the population of New York City's five boroughs is 8,175,133. This does not include the 44 million annual visitors.

Second: According to other number crunchers, there's an annual revolving door of 250,000 NYC residents. That means a quarter of a million NEW people in the city (and another 250,000 who have left).

Third: In Manhattan alone, there are 1,585,873 residents. (You can find the full charts here)
744,441 are men (46.9%) and 841,432 (53.1%) are women. When we look at ages, boys outnumber girls up until they're 18 years old. Then the girls outnumber the boys for 20 years or so. Then men dominate again at 38 until giving it back to women at 48.

Let's focus on just Manhattan for a minute. (If you want to double-check my math or see the other numbers, here's the Census page. You can also go there to search for similar results in other cities.)
According to that page, it says that, among males 15 years of age and older, 53.3% are single. And for women, 48.7% are single.
With a quick glance, we might be fooled, thinking there are actually WAY more single guys than gals. But these figures don't show us the hard numbers. So what does all this really mean? How many single guys and gals are there really in Manhattan?

Here's a chart I made that might help break it down.

From the numbers, we see that single Manhattan females between the ages of 20 and 34 outnumber single males by 20,000 or so (just a little higher than the number of people who live on Roosevelt Island). By the time men and women turn 35, the ratio switches again, with single men outnumbering single women. (Remember, these numbers don't reflect those who are in committed but unmarried relationships and include those who are gay.)

Now that we've taken a hard look at the numbers, what does this make you think about dating in New York? Do the numbers even have any impact on what you already thought?

Are Singles and Marrieds Treated Differently?

With the buzz of National Singles Week, there's been a bit of talk over the last few days about whether single people are treated differently than married people.
What do you think??

I'd agree that they are. Not so much for the reasons that are listed here in this story....

View more videos at: http://nbclosangeles.com/?__source=embedCode.

I mostly noticed that singles and their married counterparts were treated differently in the workplace. There are liberties married people get - especially those with kids at home. I felt as if there were higher expectations from me. I needed to work more, to work harder, and to pick up the slack where my married counterparts couldn't. I can remember thinking that I would always get the late night phone calls from the newsroom when they needed a last-minute replacement.

But here's the thing. Even though I knew there was a difference and it frustrated me, I also totally supported it. You know that old saying that "It takes a village to raise a child"? Well I saw myself as part of that village. By taking the burden off of the dads in the newsroom, I was helping them with their kids. And I also believe in karma. So someday, maybe I'll reep the same sort of help when I have kids who need to be picked up from soccer and the only person to bail me out is one of my single friends.

Plus, I think married people would also argue that they're treated differently. I mean, for some reason I feel like people might think I'm less likely to stay out late on a weeknight just because I'm married. Or that I've somehow become boring and less adventurous. But I beg to differ, because I feel like marriage has been one of the more crazy/fun/exciting adventures I've taken on.

What do you think? Is there such thing as "single-ism?" Is there a difference in the way people are treated? Should there be?

Celebrating *Single*

As we continue to celebrate National Singles Week, I keep thinking about the possible reaction to a week set aside celebrating singledom and solitude. Admittedly, there are moments that I am cynical and think that married people get honored all the time and that throwing singles a week a year is kind of insulting.

Okay, so that's me in a cynical mode.
But then there is the better, grounded, kinder side of me that realizes days and weeks like this are for singles to celebrate their singledom and for us married people to remember to take a lil' time for ourselves and honor our single friends.

Today, I want to celebrate singles and solitude.
I love those moments when I dare to take myself to a movie and order a kids pack. Or go on a long drive by myself or solo vacation. Or sit in a restaurant by myself.
So I took myself to lunch. I sat at the sushi bar, set my phone aside, and enjoyed my spicy tuna. (Same sushi spot where I once saw Bachelor Jake Pavelka sitting alone while I wondered, "how do I know him? Did we date?")

How can you celebrate solitude this week?