December 12, 2010

'Tis the Season... for Breakups

In the midst of joy and giving this time of year, the holiday season can also be an overwhelming and emotional time for many reasons: missing loved ones, tough economic times, and - according to anecdotal reports - this is also the time of year when couples who've been debating an inevitable breakup decide to cut the cord. There's so much stress around Christmas time that many relationships don't survive.

This time of year ranks as the top breakup season, followed by the stretch between Valentine's Day and Spring Break (mid-March).

British journalist and graphic designer David McCandless noticed the trend after analyzing 10,000 Facebook status updates over the course of a year and searched for terms indicating breakups. He found a huge surge in breakups between November 1st and Christmas.

Although McCandless' sample size was relatively small, relationship analysts agree with his findings. Bethany Marshall, a psychoanalyst who specializes in relationship issues, say, "People who are in bad relationships say: 'Do I really want to spend one more year with this person?'.... The holidays are like a litmus test; they expose what's really there in a relationship."

And what about the added pressure of announcing your breakup when everyone else is so busy wishing you a "Happy Holiday?" A recent edition of Miss Manners includes a letter from a reader whose husband recently left her and her children. The writer asks, "Should I mention our separation, or forthcoming divorce, in our holiday cards?" Oh dear! As if a forthcoming divorce weren't tough enough to deal with!

There are other ways to deal with holiday breakups and the normal holiday strain on relationships than immersing yourself in shopping frenzies or drowning your sorrows in eggnog. (In fact, the following bits of holiday "expert" advice could help us all avoid becoming grouchy Grinches during this time of year):

*Be nice to yourself.

*Reinvest in yourself.

*Reach out to others. Find solace in your friends and family.

*Keep holiday treats and alcohol to a minimum (overindulgence leaves you feeling sluggish)

*Give back. Many times, serving others can be the best way to forget about the misery in our own lives. Seek out a way to help those in need.

December 6, 2010

In-laws, Outlaws, and Healing from the Holidays

My in-laws make me sick.

At least that's the conclusion we've all decided. Ever since our Thanksgiving family visit, I've been dealing with the flu. This is par for the course when it comes to family time.

The first time I visited my then-future-sister-in-law, her children all had the nastiest case of the flu. Each kid walked around carrying a big bowl just in case someone else was busy throwing up in the bathroom. I quickly found myself in line, barfing in their toilet.
Somehow my low energy and unattractive presentation didn't leave a bad impression on the family. We all get along really well. And I mean that legitimately, not just because this is a public forum or anything. It's often joked that I married my husband because I was so in love with his family, which... is probably partly true.
But the fact is, I still get sick every time we take a trip to see the in-laws. With so many nieces and nephews, I guess they pass around bugs to everyone. If we don't get sick while we're on vacation, we come home and the virus settles in, forcing us to stock up on ginger ale, tissues, and Saltine crackers.

My brother married well, too. His wife comes from a big, inviting family. They aren't all technically my in-laws, but I still consider them family. More like out-laws.
My husband and I get sick visiting all of them too.

I suppose a few days of the constant destined bout of the flu or a cold or some other unnamed virus is a welcome luxury compared to the awful relationships some people have with their new in-laws...
Granted, I'm still in the first year of marriage. So I still have plenty of time to make my new family sick of me.

November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving!
What were you most thankful for this year? The feast? The family and friends? Traditions?

This was my first year spending Thanksgiving with my new in-laws. I married into a big family filled with lots of great cooks. This holiday was made for them. I'm not much of a cook, but I'm a fan of good food and my new family members, so it all works out well.

Holidays can be great. They can also be stressful. From the travel, the preparation, and even the fun times with family and friends, holiday events can be overwhelming. Typically, this is known as the "most wonderful time of the year," but it's also the time when many of us are feeling our worst. So as we come into this holiday season, how are you coping with the stress that's coming your way?
This year I'm trying to think of things a little differently than I have in the past. I've been focusing on being more thankful throughout the month, and I've noticed a boost attitude. It makes sense that we begin this busy holiday season with Thanksgiving and end it with a chance to start of a new year with new hopes. My personal goal this holiday season is to continue focusing on the things that make me happy and grateful and to avoid getting caught up in the minutia that drives me crazy.

How do you survive the holidays?

November 18, 2010

Thursday Thanks

Thank you to those of you who've already beaten me to the punch with sending in some Thursday Thanks!
How are your thanks coming along? This week I thought of stepping up my efforts a little bit by sending actual thank you notes to a couple people (my grandmother would be so proud). I actually am feeling as if my attitude is improving a little. How about you?

Okay so here are a few things I'm grateful for today:

*My friends. Near and far, they are such an incredible blessing.

*My new little office. It's a big writing space about a mile or so away from our place. (Maybe my walks to work will help me get rid of this freshman 15!)

*I'm grateful for wonderful editors, agents, and other professionals who know what they're doing and don't mind guiding me when I feel like I'm bumbling around.

*The excitement from the many Harry Potter fans in my life. Their giddyness = constantly referring to themselves as muggles.

*Having my mom nearby.

*All the people I've worked with in the past. My mom, my husband, and I went to see "Morning Glory" this week and it made me miss working with such fun, collaborative teams. It did not, however, make me miss waking up in the middle of the night to begin my workday.

*Inspiring writers who share their insights. Every day I read a blog from one of TV's greatest writers, Ken Levine. And today he answered my question about why he became a writer. A good read!

November 11, 2010

Thursday Thanks

Okay, friends! Let's continue our adventure into our month of feeling a little more gratitude. Is there anything in your life making you a little more grateful today?

Here are my Thursday Thanks, just to get us started for the day:

*Thank goodness for webcams, Skype, and good friends who stay close no matter how many miles are in between us.

*Good chats with girl friends.

*The new movies coming out this season. So far I'm liking The Social Network, Made in Dagenham, and 127 Hours. And I can't wait to see Morning Glory, which might end up feeling less like a movie and more like a documentary on my former sleepless life in network morning news.

*I'm grateful for hot chocolate and leftover Halloween candy.

*Somehow, I've been able to stop looking at the Facebook pages that somehow end up making me feel bad about myself. So that's good.

*And I'm grateful for the people who delight in the changing color of Fall leaves! I miss them so dearly. Fall foliage is seriously on my list of top three things about being alive, so I'm so grateful for the people who describe the joy of those colors so vividly. Last week, one person mentioned that the leaves reminded them of the 5 Life Savors colors. How wonderful! The description itself makes me giddy!

What's making you feel grateful today?

November 9, 2010

Keeping it in Perspective

When I graduated from grad school, my chances of finding a new job were slim. I hoped I would land a producing job in a great city that would challenge me. But few openings seemed available. I would scour the job postings, hoping to see something where I would qualify, only to find a severe drought in producing jobs and a slough of openings for Account Executive. (I still don't know what that job does and it still seems open everywhere I go.)
I wondered if my days in news were over. I assumed I would have to head back to Portland, Oregon and beg for my old job back... but I would be lucky if even that job were still available. The opportunities seemed few and far, and I seriously considered throwing in the towel on my career.

My roommates, however, were dealing with a heyday of job offers. It seemed every other hour I would hear about opportunities they were getting from Reuters, CNN, NY1, and so many newspapers that I couldn't keep up. I would share my excitement with them over their hopeful futures... and then go in my room and cry over my assumed destiny: sitting on my couch and watching Oprah for the rest of my life.
Why were they getting so many job offers?
I would wonder. I'm the one with all the years of experience! They're just getting started!

And there's the rub, my friends.
My roomies - who are brilliant hard workers and were well-deserved of all the job leads - were looking for entry-level positions. The number of those give-me-a-shot-and-I'll-do-anything jobs were endless. Hundreds of people wanted them and hundreds could get them. The trick for all those clamoring hopeful journalists... was keeping those jobs (and lucky for my smarty-pants flatmates, they succeeded and are now onto conquering the world, one investigative story at a time).

I, on the other hand, was much more picky when it came to my hopes for a job. I had been in my career for a long time. I thought of grad school as fulfilling a dream to get a master's... and I thought grad school would be a much-needed "break" from the daily grind of deadlines (and boy, was I in for a shock when I saw how hard the schoolwork was!). The more specialized my skills became, the fewer the job openings.
This is a harsh reality of all jobs. And it is also a harsh reality of many things, including dating.

Dating?

When we are looking for the casual, no-nonsense, no-commitment relationship, our opportunities seem endless. But when we're hoping for something a little more specific, something a little more specialized, then it may seem more difficult to find. At those points in life, it may seem really easy to get frustrated.

But then there's the magic.

The day after graduation, I packed up my apartment and got ready to head back to Oregon. My couch. My cable. I would hang my diploma alongside the television. Or I would use it as a napkin. My career seemed, well... over.
And then I got a phone call.
Apparently ABC had called Columbia's career services asking if they had any recent graduates with extensive television news writing experience, to which the school's counselor replied, "We have one."
The recruiter from ABC called to schedule an interview.
I was scheduled to fly out of the city the next day and stammered with overwhelming confusion and excitement. "I suppose I could meet... today?"
"How does 3:00 sound?"

I have always been told that "it happens when you least expect it." Or as my mother puts it, "men fall out of trees."
Friends, if you are feeling a little bit of despair about the love that surrounds you (or lack thereof), have hope. Allow the magic to happen. It does and it will. It might not happen when you expect it. You might feel like packing up and going home. You might feel as if your chances are over. But believe me when I tell you this: there is magic in the works.

November 5, 2010

Friends with an ex?

I'm friends with most of my exes.
Okay, so when I say "friends" I really mean that we are "friendly"... or that we're kind to one another if we ever have contact and we genuinely wish the best for one another. Truth be told, I am rarely in contact with any of them. I just feel as if that's the way to go out of respect for my husband. But that's just me.
(And now that I think about it, I actually have more contact with my exes' wives than I do my ex-boyfriends, which has been really great. I'm glad they married really incredible women!)

I think many of my ex-boyfriends tend to think of me just as I think of them: as someone who helped me in my lifelong path to become a better person. Then again, I'm sure some of them breathe a sigh of relief, thinking they dodged a bullet when we broke up. Some would probably rather never think of me again. And there are those who still find my cheesy attitude endearing and funny. (thank you!)
Relationships - whether we choose to continue investing in them - tend to be a little more complicated than we like them to be.

Personally, I am grateful for exes. They have all taught me a little something about myself. They taught me how to love. They introduced me to different hobbies or music interests. They taught me how to deal with men. They taught me the art of compromise. And disappointment.
Even those painful breakups that left me crying for days (ahem, weeks/months) taught me about the depths of my soul and the never-ending hope that dwelled in my little heart.

I tend to think the same of my husband's exes. When we got married, part of me wanted to write a little 'thank you' note to each of his exes, thanking them for teaching him so much, for taking the time to share a little bit of their souls with him, and... mostly... for not marrying him. I even thought I could send a handful of "thank you's" to one girl -- one note for each year they'd been together. Imagine all the lessons they each learned in all that time!

Thus are the lessons of dating. I tried to remember that each man I went out on a date with could someday be someone's husband. I wanted to treat that man with respect, in hopes that he would treat all women (including any of his future "someones") with the love and respect we all long for. I believe we're all here to help each other, so being nice to the people we date just makes good sense.

Being nice to our exes... that's a little more tricky sometimes, isn't it? Sometimes we feel burdened by that memorable broken heart. Sometimes we need a clean break. Sometimes we feel we need to sacrifice those relationships for the sake of our new ones. And certain past relationships seem to carry more weight than others. Some people have to keep their exes in their lives and figure out how to deal, especially if children are involved. A lot of variables go into the decisions about these relationships.

Do you remain friends with your exes? What has gone into your decisions?

November 4, 2010

Thursday Thanks

It's time for an attitude adjustment.

Admittedly, I've been feeling a bit surly lately.
It's not a good look for me.

In my search for a secret potion to change my attitude, I keep coming back to one essential item that could strengthen my relationships, reduce my stress, and maybe even help me improve my focus. That secret potion? Gratitude.

How can gratitude help you?
*It reduces negativity
*strengthens your relationships
*helps you get what you want
*helps you keep what you have
*improves sleep
*increases energy and helps immune systems
...just to name a few.

You tell me. How can having a little more gratitude help you?

Yesterday one of my dearest friends that I've known since childhood sent me an email. Her husband had not only just lost a local election this week, he had also recently lost his job. She knew that, while their family was facing a challenging time, that they were also in a time of transition and would eventually be blessed with the silver lining. I was so impressed with her positive outlook, especially during such tough economic times.

For the month of November, I'm declaring Thursdays as the day to focus on gratitude. Maybe this will make Thanksgiving be even more exciting at the end of the month (although I can't imagine much making Thanksgiving better than yummy pumpkin/pecan pie).

A few years ago, a small group of friends started a little tradition. Once a week, we would email the group a Gratitude List, where we would share the details of our lives that made us smile. Some weeks were easier to come up with lists than others. But we still stuck to the idea, focusing on the blessings even in the midst of pitfalls. Will you be part of my Gratitude Group for the month?

Every Thursday, take a few minutes to write down a few things that make you most grateful. I realize that some days you will feel as if you're pulling at strings, but just try it. See if it adds to your overall attitude. Count your smiles, your warm fuzzies, or just those moments you don't want to pull out your hair. Feel free to leave your list here. Feel free to be anonymous. But at least give it a shot and see how it goes.

To get us started, here are a few things that I'm most grateful for today:
1. a place to call home
2. friends who keep in touch and keep me grounded
3. a husband who cooks
4. creative outlets
and 5... this fantastic photo that a friend posted on his Facebook page. Check out Google's second suggestion to his query:

Good luck this month!

November 1, 2010

Relationship Advice/Myths

Do you have a basic philosophy on successful relationships? Does love mean "never having to say you're sorry"? Should you wait three days before returning a phone call? Should you wait six months before saying "I love you?" Should you "never go to bed angry"? Does love happen when you least expect it?

What is the standard advice that people are giving you about relationships? And what advice are you doling out to others?

Also, check out this article I just read about relationship myths and how we all seem to perpetuate them. Do you agree?

October 12, 2010

A Year After "YES!"

A year ago I woke up early in the morning (well... 9am) for a little canoe ride across the lake with Number 31. We pulled up to a little island, dragged the canoe onto the land, and enjoyed the changing leaves on the shore. We started taking pictures."Tam, what kind of face would you make if you were really mad at me?"
"What kind of face would you make if I got down on one knee and pulled this ring out of my pocket?One year later, so much has changed.
I was Ms. and am now Mrs.
We went from east coast to west coast.
I worked with hundreds of people, now I work alone.

But I am still happy and hopeful. I still have big dreams.
I still consider 9am "early."
And I am still so glad I said "YES!" that day.

How have you changed in the last year? How have you stayed the same?

October 8, 2010

15 Ways to Predict a Lasting Marriage

I'm officially turning into my mother. And my grandmother.
When I was a kid, I watched as my mom would open up letters from my grandma. Out would fall little articles that had been carefully cut from the newspaper. My mother would eventually do the same for me, only now she tends to send articles my way via email. And now I get to pass my favorite loving finds along to you.

I find it really interesting when people put a spin on statistics. There's a really great article from The Daily Beast that has analyzed recent marriage statistics to figure out the best indicators of whether your marriage is doomed or destiny. Here's a quick look at the 15 ways to predict a lasting marriage:

1. Be American (the national divorce rate in America has been dropping since 1980)
2. Live in a Blue state (you're 27% more likely to get divorced if you're from a Red state)
3. Minimize your money arguments (couples who argue about finances once a week have a 30% higher chance of divorce than those who don't)
4. People who grew up in divorced families are more likely to get a divorce
5. One of you smokes, one does not: chances of divorce are 75%-90% (many dissimilarities increase divorce risks)
6. Having just a daughter increases divorce risk by 5%
7. Having a solid, shared religion (including atheism) dramatically reduces your risk for divorce
8. Don't live in Wayne County, Indiana (where it holds the nation's highest divorce rate)
9. Previous marriages increase your chances of divorce
10. If the woman is two or more years older than the man, your chances of divorce are higher
11. Those with "below average" intelligence are 50% more likely to divorce than those with "above average" intelligence
12. If a partner has been diagnosed with cervical or testicular cancer, your chances of divorce increase
13. Multiple births increase your risk of divorce by 17%
14. Female "serial co-habiters" are 40% more likely to divorce than those women who haven't lived with other men before marriage
15. Same-sex marriages have higher divorce rates than hetero-sexual marriages

Again, here's a link to the full article. Let me know what you think!

October 6, 2010

What Makes You Happy?

This morning, Pope Benedict XVI announced that "True happiness is the goal in our life." During today's weekly address at St. Peter's Square, the pope outlined the way to find happiness, saying it comes from a strengthened friendship with God. "This friendship," he said, "you learn through a love for sacred Scripture, a love for the liturgy and (by cultivating) a deep faith and a love for Mary in order to truly get to know God better."

The pope's analysis comes on the heels of the world's most extensive study on happiness, which says that
strong personal relationship could be the secret to a happy life. The study examined data from almost 150,000 German adults over the course of 25 years, hoping to extract the key to long-term happiness. The result: people who prioritize relationships and good health tend to be more happy, regardless of the major events in their lives.

The study's lead author Melbourne University sociologist, Bruce Headey, says,"It looks like the less involved people were in their relationships, the less happy they got."

Here are the biggest factors that could play a role in your long-term happiness:

*Your spouse: marry someone who is emotionally compatible. Marrying someone who is neurotic or has high anxiety weighs on your level of happiness. (My biggest apologies to Number 31!)

*Family focus: people who placed family goals over career goals reported happier lives. A
ccording to the study, women were less satisfied with their lives if they were paired with partners who placed a low priority on family goals. Those women were less happy than women who were single.

*Religion: the study couldn't figure out if it were religious practices or the social benefits that helped church-attending people feel happier.

*
Work: more people who were working the amount of hours they hoped to work reported happiness. People who worked too many hours reported less satisfaction. Working less than the amount of hours desired, or worse, being unemployed, is even harder on overall happiness. Here is where the Goldilocks rule applies, where the work-life balance apparently needs to be "just right."

*
Friends: People who had social interactions also reported a higher level of happiness.

*
Exercise: working out, no matter what your weight, apparently makes people more happy. The study also found that obese women and underweight men tend to be less happy.

*
Age: apparently (especially in the U.S.), people seem happier the older they get

So, what about money? One of the study's authors, Gert Wagner, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Germany, told LiveScience. "Money is simply a byproduct of good and satisfying jobs. If you want to be satisfied with your life, you must spend time with your friends and your family."







Sources: CNN, Catholic News Service, FOXNews

September 30, 2010

Recession Recreation

I'm still not convinced. Apparently:

*it's Fall, my most favorite time of anytime, any year. Yet I'm in Los Angeles, where it's been well over 100 degrees all week, reaching the city's all-time record high. And,

*the recession is apparently over. The National Bureau of Economic Research says that our nation's pesky recession ended in June of 2009. If that's true, then why am I still penny-pinching?

I'm a true believer in finding ways to have lots of fun while spending less. "Number 31" and I just returned from a long vacation to the northwest, where we managed to enjoy our time while finding great deals. Many of our finds can be done anywhere in the world. So here are some tips for the frugal dater in any city:

*Look at your city differently
If you feel like you're growing tired of the same scenery, try looking at your town from a vantage point. Head to the top of the highest structure. Rent a couple bikes for a few hours. Take public transportation. Or go for a long walk instead of driving.

*Flora, Fauna, Fruits
Are you lucky enough to live somewhere that has a gorgeous landscape with particular flowers? Do you have orchards or vineyards? Trees getting ready for foliage? Take some time to visit your local gardens or even pick a pumpkin! (And it's almost prime time for apple picking!)

*Find local treasures
Don't wait until your family visits to take in the local hotspots. What's special about your town? Take the time to tour your Capitol or one of your town's historic spots. If you live near a college, track down the activities hosted by the fine arts departments. Usually these events are only a few dollars each.

*See the animals
Zoos are great, but they aren't your only chance to check out wildlife. While we were in Portland, Oregon, we managed to watch thousands of birds make a unique pit-stop while flying south. At dusk, more than 40-thousand swifts danced in the sky and dodged hungry hawks, while hundreds of locals gathered in a park to watch the show. In groups of hundreds at a time, the birds funneled into a school's old chimney, where they rested for the evening. It was more spectacular than a fireworks show. (And free!)

Our other favorite species to check out all over the northwest are the salmon, who are in the prime of their run right now. Track down your local hatchery, or an aviary or farm for ideas. (My secret hope is to milk a cow some day.)

What are some ways you can have fun for $31 or less in your hometown?

September 28, 2010

Delaying "I Do"

Marriage rates have hit a record low in the United States. Today, just over 52% of the nation's adults who are married. That's down from 57% of married Americans in 2000. And for the first time, new Census results show that there are more single people between ages 25 and 24 than those of the same age who are currently married.

"The marriage gap used to be reversed: Prior to the 1990s, marriage rates among those with a high school diploma or less were higher than those with a four-year college education," says Mark Mather, a demographer with the Population Reference Bureau. "The college-educated were more likely to postpone marriage compared with those in less-educated groups. Marriage rates today look very different, with higher proportions of young, highly educated adults entering formal unions, and a sharp drop among those with less education."

While fewer people are marrying, more couples are choosing to live together. The number of Americans co-habitating rose 13% in just one year, to 7.5 million couples. Analysts around the country believe the recession is to blame for the dramatic change.

According to Brad Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, "Men's employment has taken a big hit, and when the guy doesn't have a stable job, couples are more hesitant about tying the knot."

"It makes sense to postpone marriage until economic things are worked out," says Benjamin Karney, co-founder of the Relationship Institute at UCLA. "In the 1950s, two people would get married as a way of starting their adult lives -- that's why you'd give them toasters and plates and linens," Karney said. "Nowadays, marriage is something you build up to and achieve."

Over the last few years, we've seen the recession affect the relationships of all Americans. More adult children are moving back home, families are cutting back on their vacations and reunions, and fewer people are divorcing because they can't afford to live separately.

How has the economy affected your relationships?


sources:

The Wall Street Journal

Washington Examiner

September 20, 2010

National Singles Awareness Week

For all you lovely singles out there, this week we're all celebrating YOU!
Yay for watching all the movies you want without having to compromise. Yay for being able to sleep in a big "X" whenever you feel like it. Yay for not feeling like you need to "check our schedule" to see if you can go out with your friends.
It's all about you. And it's all good.

National Singles Awareness Week is this week: September 19 - September 24

This tradition was started in Ohio in 1984 in appreciation of the growing ranks of unmarried Americans, who are now 96 million strong (that's 43 percent of the U.S. population over the age of 15, according to the U.S. Census Bureau).

Now, how will you celebrate??

September 4, 2010

Living Together: Does it Affect Your Chances of Marriage?

A new report from the National Center of Health Statistics says that couples who live together have about the same chance of creating a successful marriage as those who don't live together. This is contrary to findings from years ago, which said that living together greatly increased your chances of divorce (or it led to a breakup before marriage was even proposed).

Earlier this year, the Pew Research polled Americans to see how they generally felt about couples who lived together without getting married. While 38% of Americans believe cohabitation has a bad effect on our society, 50% believe it has no effect at all.

What do you think?
Feel free to share your opinion here and vote in my poll.

source: USA Today

September 1, 2010

Are good friends more important than good grades?

As kids go back to school and focus on getting good grades and reaching for the stars, what's likely to affect them most in the long-run are the relationships they make along the way. Do they find a good spot in the cafeteria and form healthy friendships? Do they feel unloved at home and school is an escape? A study published this year in the scientific journal "Self and Identity" backs up the idea that most of our intense moments in our lives are based on our relationships and social interactions.

Apparently the co-authors of the study say this research goes against most previous findings.
REALLY?
Is this study actually among the first to show that our relationships with one another impact us more than personal goal-setting and achieving? Did all of the previous studies involve people who had never attended high school? Aren't most of us shaped more by people than by our own personal achievements?
Why does this make me think of the guy in our high school who may have nabbed a perfect GPA but never nabbed one of the 47 girls he asked to the Homecoming Dance? When we look back on the most harrowing or wonderful experiences of our lives, do they usually involve personal achievement or moments when we were affected by other people?

The study's co-author Shira Gabriel of the University at Buffalo said in a statement, "Most of us spend much of our time and effort focused on individual achievements such as work, hobbies and schooling. However this research suggests that the events that end up being most important in our lives, the events that bring us the most happiness and also carry the potential for the most pain, are social events -- moments of connecting to others and feeling their connections."

Gabriel and his colleagues, principal author Lisa Jaremka, a doctoral student in psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and Mauricio Cavallo, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Oklahoma, Norman, ran four studies altogether including 376 people.

One of the studies asked college students to describe the most positive and negative emotional experiences of their lives. Most of the participants described personal events involving other people. Middle-ages participants responded similarly.

"What we find," says Gabriel, "means most to people are transformative moments in relationships, such as a marriage or a new best friend. But they're also the moments that tend to be the toughest in our lives - those when a relationship ends, or maybe when someone passes away or we feel betrayed by someone.
"When we structure our days and think about goals for the coming year, we need to remember to pay attention to our relationships and to the bonds we form with other people," says Gabriel. "Because when we come to the end of our lives, this research suggests it's those moments that we'll look back on as meaning the most."


(sources: "Self and Identity," UPI, The Vancouver Sun)

August 27, 2010

Where does your city rate in dating?

Is your city a hot dating spot?

I love seeing all the different stats on "this city is the best place to date" and "ours is horrible." One person's dating downpour is always balanced by another's drought. So here are a couple "Top 10" dating spots.

The first is from the site singlemindedwomen.com, who ranked the top 10 cities for single women. The ranking is based solely on male-to-female ratios. Here are the cities they say are the best places for women to find a man:

1. Boston, MA
2. Washington, DC
3. New York, NY
4. Seattle, WA
5. Philadelphia, PA
6. Phoenix, AZ
7. Denver, CO
8. Pittsburgh, PA
9. Dallas, TX
10. Austin, TX

And apparently this was the Summer of Love over at Match.com. Today, the matchmaking website announced that more singles made online contact on their site this Summer than in years past.
Here's their list of the top 10 cities that used their site the most:

1. Miami, FL
2. New York, NY
3. Los Angeles, CA
4. Chicago, IL
5. Washington, DC
6. Dallas, TX
7. San Diego, CA
8. Phoenix, AZ
9. Boston, MA
10. Houston, TX

Apparently Philadelphia, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, San Jose, and Providence, Rhode Island also ranked high in online dating hot spots.

What about your city? Where would you rank it?

August 26, 2010

Dating Deals - New Site Offers Big Bargains

A new website that launched this week is offering bargains in bulk in 16 cities across the U.S., including New York, Los Angeles, and Seattle. Zozi is kicking off its multi-city deals by offering $500,000 worth of free events. Only one freebie is allowed per person.
After all of those deals are handed out, Zozi will offer other activities at highly discounted rates (between 50% and 90% off) on activities all across the States. The site also offers tour discounts in more than 160 countries.

Zozi's deals take a nod from Groupon's "collective buying power," where Groupon will make a deal with a vendor, hoping that a certain amount of people will sign up for the same deal at a restaurant or local event. If that minimum number of deal-seekers is reached, then the discount is granted. (Here's a cute lil' video from Groupon's site that helps explain how it works!).

Interested in your freebie from Zozi? Hop to it! The site's founder, T.J. Sassani, told USA Today that the site is already averaging one new user per second!
Let me know what kind of great deals you find if you use the sites!




August 25, 2010

Dating Sites for All Types

Online dating is big business. According to Online Dating Magazine, more than 20 million people will visit an online dating service every month and every day, there are 16,000 new subscriptions to the sites. With an average monthly charge of $20 and $30, the sites are raking in a chunk of change. In fact, Jupiter Research says singles will pay an average of $239 every year for online dating services, and those numbers are quickly climbing.

The use of smartphones has nearly doubled the amount of traffic on dating sites from mobile phones just this Summer. According to mobile media measurement group, Ground Truth, the use in mobile dating sites increased by 92 percent from the first week in June to the last week in July.

These days, it seems there are dating sites for everyone. On the heels of a dating website devoted solely to Beautiful People, a site launched on Monday geared to those "aesthetically challenged," as described by the site's creator. While Match.com and the Yahoo! personals seem geared to general dating interests, there are now more dating sites seems to offer its own benefits by gearing toward a niche. Perfect Match, Chemistry.com, and eHarmony all offer personal profiles to help you find someone who matches your values and interests. There are dating sites based on a particular religion or race, sites for single parents, and online dating havens for women who define themselves as "cougars."

And then there are those special interest sites. The newer site, Cupidtino, is geared toward Mac fans. Tastebuds hooks people up with similar music interests. And for the literary connoisseurs, there's the site Alikewise.

In all, there are over 1,400 different dating sites to choose from. And with a few hundred online-introduced couples announcing their engagements every day, it's no surprise millions of people continue to invest so much in the services.





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