Our Inner 9-Year-Olds Break Out - Jon

I have never high-fived someone so often on a date.

I knew right away that Jon and I would be fast friends. He had driven all the way from Boston just to be part of this project, waking up before 7am to get here by 10.

He was just as he described himself: a big white guy standing at a grand 6'5", with a giant black afro. He's a gentle giant with a soft, tenor voice that contradicts his overwhelming presence.
I immediately declared that he belonged in Portland, Oregon. I had lived there for several years, declaring it one of the best cities in the nation... and hopefully future home of Jon.
He was wearing a retro salmon jacket that he had proudly snagged at the Salvation Army. He loved it so much he had to have it, detouring from his usual outfit of pajama bottoms and a trenchcoat.

Jon isn't scary. He's just quirky. Artsy. And he has a devilish, fun nature about him. He's a good mix of a mad scientist with the paradoxical personality of Santa Claus and the Cheshire Cat.
I assessed rather quickly, "You're twisted!"

He laughed, taking it as a compliment.

We headed down to our first destination: the carousel in Central Park, where you can have a fast, fun ride for just a couple bucks. We pretended we were riding real horses, that we were flying, and that we were on a scary roller coaster ride.

This was Jon's first time in Central Park and he was loving it.
I was too!

We headed to his destination of choice: F.A.O. Scwhwartz.
This man belongs in a big toy store.

We were welcomed by Hector, who was standing behind a table with a bunch of Rubik's Cubes. He offered, "You mix it! I twist it!"
Jon quickly challenged back, "YOU mix it, I twist it!"
I was impressed!
Jon mentioned he was out of practice, but it wasn't obvious. Hector had mixed the cube up pretty well and Jon squared it back to perfection in a miraculous one minute, 50 seconds!
Then it was Hector's turn. He fiddled with the toy while explaining that there are really four main techniques, one of which he uses most often; the one that helped him win the competition, completing the task in just one minute.
I could not believe my eyes.

We then walked around, finding some more toys to play with. They even had their own Make-Your-Own-Muppet studio, where Jon found himself chatting with a puppet. We headed upstairs and colored pictures of each other. Jon spotted the giant piano made famous by the Tom Hanks movie, "Big" and he tapped out his best version of the Sesame Street theme song.

There is much more to Jon than just silliness though. For work, he helps children with autism, which has been an important issue to him for most of his life. When he was 10, his youngest brother was diagnosed with the disease, forever changing his family and his own character. Jon respected his brother's discomfort with loud noises, so he learned to do activities out of the house, became more confident, and grew a strong sense of compassion for people.

He's a filmmaker who strives to capture irony on camera. And he loves to figure people out, understanding their intentions.

He's a deep thinker who makes quick assessments of society one minute and the next, makes obscure comic book references. He has a loving heart -- a romantic who still remembers the sad moment when he caught his high school girlfriend kissing a Bass on the choir field trip.
He believes in love.

We bounced around the store, discovering childhood favorites. I oohed and ahhed at the Strawberry Shortcake dolls. He loved the Legos. And we both were magnetized by the lure of some small creatures that meant the world to us: the Smurfs. Our favorites: Jon liked the smurf dressed as the Grim Reaper, and I liked Smurfette in a wedding gown.
That makes sense.

In only a few hours, we had gone from strangers to lifelong friends. I kept reminding him of other friends he needed to meet, plays to read, and videos to watch. We were building a foundation among a unique shared experience that only a first date without strings attached can offer.

As we headed back to the park, I thought about my freedom in friendships when I was a child. Boys could be friends with girls and it wasn't complicated. And that's how I looked at it with Jon: a simple friendship among two seemingly complex people.
It works.

Seven Deadly Dating Sins - Jared from Minnesota

VANITY
I stared at myself in the mirror, slipping on a pair of leggings to wear underneath my jeans.
"How will I look cute being all bundled up with a million layers on?" I asked myself. I hurried to get dressed, grabbed my fleece jacket out of the closet and stuffed the pockets with my keys, camera, cash, phone, and metrocard. As I walked out the door I noticed my greatest fashion faux pas: my fleece had pet fur all over it.

This was going to be a weak first impression.

My friend, Kat, met Jared at an audition last week and asked him out for me. She told me he was cute, but as I walked up to him at Bryant Park I thought, "This guy is way more cute than she told me!"
Jared stands at 6'2" with broad shoulders, a light freckled complexion, and strawberry blond locks that drift lightly onto his brow. His smile beams and warmth shines through his soft eyes. He is the type of man I would have swooned over in school and made a complete idiot out of myself talking to him. I could already feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

MONEY
"I brought something for you," he said.
"Really?" I beamed!
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a can of highly caffeinated Rock Star with a ribbon on top. He knew that I had very few hours of sleep the night before and I was running on empty.
His gift only made him more desirable in my eyes.

But it did have me concerned about our budget! The cost to rent ice skates was $12 a pair, plus the $7 for the staff to watch our stuff. Did the sweet surprise of caffeine break our $31 limit?


HUMILIATION
We put on our ice skates and Jared explained that he was a little concerned about the toe picks on the rental pair, since he was used to skating without them. Growing up in Minnesota, he had played hockey. In fact, he had just moved to the city a couple weeks before to further pursue his acting career.

His friends had made fun of him, saying ice skating was such a cliché date. But Jared didn't care. He was excited to do something fun in the city for the first time.
We stepped onto the ice and I realized it had been a long time since I had been ice skating.
"How quickly will it take for me to fall?" I wondered.

But Jared fell first.
Very nice of him to break the tension.

POLITICS
Being President Obama's first full day in office, we discussed how we felt about our nation's future, how we voted, and what we thought about the Inauguration. He talked about where he grew up and how it shaped the way he looked at the world. He had lived in smaller towns than I had in states where I’d never been: Minnesota, Alaska, South Dakota. He spoke of his family, their relationships, and how he felt about raising a family in the city versus the suburbs.

RELIGION
We delved into the spiritual paths we’ve both taken in our lives. Jared grew up Lutheran and his father was a Catholic. I mentioned my interest and involvement with many religions throughout my life: Methodist, Presbyterian, Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Baptist, Unitarian, Mormon. I even revealed my quietly kept college curiosity in Paganism and Viking runes.
We talked about our current philosophies and what we had gone through to get us here. We met eye-to-eye, believing there is a God and that there’s truth in all things. We both seem to be, overall, very hopeful people trying to make the most of our lives and pushing ourselves to become better people. We discussed possibility, risk, and dreams.

MARRIAGE
We stepped off the ice and grabbed the bag we rented to stow our shoes. I took out the can of soda and gently shook the bag, just to make sure we got everything out of it. Something shiny, silver, and round dropped out. I slowly picked it up, realizing that it was none other than a wedding band.
I was transfixed by its series of diamonds staring up at me, partly puzzled and mostly wondering, "Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of sign??"
I alerted the woman working the counter to please keep it in the Lost and Found.

COVETING
We walked to Grand Central Station where we sat, talking for a few hours. We discussed human nature, theater, and what drives people to live life the way they do. We both held the similar longing to understand why people do what they do.
I was fascinated. I was intrigued. I was hooked.
We finally got up and parted ways, leaving me with a virtue sitting upon my heart: hope.

Six Degrees of Separation Anxiety and its Stress-Free Solution - Evan

Side effects of my sleepiness:

* cranky attitude

* panicky

* disorganization

I have quickly learned that in addition to my regular 8-hour gig, I have now assigned myself three extra part time jobs:

1. Producer: This role takes up a lot of my time. It requires finding guys who are willing to be involved with the project, figuring out a time that will work for both of us, and helping decide what to do on our date.

2. Dater: Obviously, this is not your typical dating situation. In addition to all of the regular dating jitters, I have found my biggest responsibility is forgetting everything else I have to do and just have fun. That's the most important element when getting to know someone and I'm hoping to do my best to really get to know as much as I can about these guys in the short time we're together. They're taking the time out of their busy schedules to hang out with me, so the least I can do is respect them.

3. Writer: Every night I come home and write up my day's events. This takes several hours. I have to admit, the writing portion of this project tends to circle around in my head all day. When I mentioned that I try to keep focus on my dates, my most tempting distraction is "what am I going to write about this?"

The bigger concern today was whether my plans would actually go through.

I received a confirmation notice about our tickets this morning and I realized that it was a 7:00 show and not 8:00 as I had previously thought! I knew my date couldn't make that time, so we had two options: find other plans. Or we postpone and I find another guy.

We opted for the latter.

And thus began my first major panicked moment of this project. I had two hours to find another date.

People keep asking me, "What happens if one of the dates can't make it?"

"I guess I'll have to ask someone off the street..."

I sent out an email to my friends (ie. "Dating Agents") and asked for help. I gave myself 20 minutes. If nothing had come through by then, I told myself that I would head outside and start asking random guys.

The thought of that scares me a lot, but I keep reminding myself that dating doesn't have to be that big of a deal. These are simple opportunities to get to know someone better.

I'm not asking someone to marry me.

I'm not even asking him to be my boyfriend or love me or even like me.

I'm asking him to take time out of his busy life to get to know me. I have a feeling if we all looked at dating this way, it would make the whole process less stressful.

Still.

I was stressed.

Really stressed.

Twelve minutes went by and my friend, Mike, sent someone my way.

Enter: Evan.

I had no idea who this Evan was, but he received ringing endorsements from our mutual friends. He also happens to work right next to the theater where I have landed free - yes free - tickets to a new musical. A $100 value for absolutely nothing.

So how did I get these said free tickets?

Well, there's a little trick that I've been keeping for years and years and now I will share it with you.

Being a recovering actor, I can tell you, the last thing you want is an empty audience. Even if the crowd hates you, at least someone is watching. So the theaters will go out of their way to get a full house. Your word of mouth might make them more money in the long-run compared to the amount they're losing on giving you a free ticket.

If you wait until the last minute (or if you spend endless hours online tracking stuff down like I do), you can typically find a really great deal.

Getting a sweet deal like this makes a new (and possibly really terrible) show bearable.

I knew I'd like Evan right away. Any of the guys who are willing to sign up for this project gets my respect right away. In this case, I was especially grateful for Evan not only bailing me out at the last minute but also for his excitement.

I met him at the Algonquin Theater downtown for the new musical called, "Sessions." The show is about a bunch of people in group therapy. And after the stress I was feeling, I was certainly ready for some therapy even if it were vicarious and fictional.

Evan apparently was the perfect date for this event. In the few minutes we chatted before the show I learned that he was a very easy-going guy and that he liked musicals. Most guys I've dated have not, so that was refreshing! Also, he happened to fit the bill of most of the qualities I had on the list I made when I was 20 for my "ideal man"... around 6 feet tall, brown curly hair, blue eyes. He even plays the guitar!

During the show, we couldn't help but laugh at some of the parts that seemed obvious or ridiculous. I felt like I was one of the bad kids talking during class. Evan was even passing me a note at one point!

After the show we headed uptown to our common ground: Columbia University. I went there for grad school a few years ago and Evan is finishing up his masters degree. He took me to one of his favorite spots on campus that I had never seen before up on top one of the buildings. It was so beautiful up there! We had a clear view of the Empire State Building on one end and the GW Bridge on the other!

Evan told me a little about his life and passions. He grew up in southern California and went to college in Hawaii -- the perfect combo for a man who loves to surf. He has travelled the world, mostly in search of great waves.

I have to admit, when I think of surfer, Evan is not the kind of guy who comes to mind. I mean, he doesn't talk like Keanu Reeves in "Bill and Ted", he's planning on getting a PhD, and he has a quick wit!

There is something about Evan that makes it very easy to talk to him. In a way I felt as if we had already known each other and just picked up after a long separation. Evan took me to get some dessert and I actually could have sat there and talked with him all night. But they closed up shop at 11 and kicked us out. And besides, I had to come back to work at 3am.

Sacrificing sleep might be tough for the next few weeks, but the benefits of meeting men like Evan outweigh it.

Think about it. Just a few hours before, he had been asked by a friend to take out some girl so she could talk publicly about him... and he not only happily volunteered, but he also had fun and was a complete gentleman. He even put me in a cab and paid for my ride home!

After a long, stressful day, Evan turned out to be the antidote I needed.

TV Dinner: 5 Star Rating - Adam

TV Announcer:

"It's the Television Trek!!! What begins as a simple search for truth and comedy leads quickly to a road paved with possibility. Will they find their destination? Or will they find true love?"

(Segment One)
Welcome to our show!

Today's team has a big quest ahead of them as they try to find free tickets to a live television taping. How long will it take? How many tv sites will they see along the way? And how well will they tolerate one another along their journey?

We have a lot of ground to cover, so let's begin!

These two headed out early. Adam arrived like a champ with bagels and cream cheese in tow. Sustenance will certainly be needed for these two throughout the day.

First Stop: Conan O'Brien standby line.

Tamara and Adam arrive just as they hand out tickets to people waiting desperately for standby tickets. They receive tickets numbered '63' and '64'. Those numbers won't help get them into the show today. How well will they handle the defeat?

Will they land a pair of tickets to a show in the city? We'll be right back!

*Commercial Break: Time to regroup. The team decides to take a break and find a Starbucks.

(Segment Two)

Welcome back.

In a city where Starbucks is seen nearly every 2.5 blocks, the two fail to spot one for nearly thirty minutes. How could they miss such a popular site over and over again? With so much failure so early in the morning, most teams would quit. But these two show positive perseverence.

Adam reveals his hopes to see the taping of his favorite show, "The Colbert Report." Our team heads to Colbert's studios to gauge their chances. No such luck -- but they are told to come back in the afternoon for a chance at standby tickets. The two decide to stick together until then.

Total points so far: none.

Time to kill: 6 hours.

TV siting points: CNN's New York Headquarters.

Our team finds a Starbucks across the street where they grab a couple hot chocolates.

(cutaway. inner monologue.)

Tamara: I hope Adam's not bored with me already. I really like him. I'm so glad he wanted to go out! I can't believe he actually remembered me!

When I met him last year, I totally wanted to date him! I even called my date for the night and told him I'd be late so I could chat with Adam longer at a party! I don't think I've even seen Adam that much since then, have I? I didn't think he remembered my name...

Does my hair look okay?

I really like Adam's lips.

Bonus points: Adam suggests they head up to one of his favorite secret spots. They take the elevator to the lobby on the 35th floor of the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.

TV Stop: Our team takes a trip to ABC's headquarters for a behind-the-scenes look at the workings of World News with Charles Gibson.

*Commercial Break: Lunch
Adam suggests they head down to Greenwich Village for his favorite slice in the city at Joe's Pizza. His claim: the crust is to die for.
Hollywood trivia bonus: Joe's Pizza was seen in the movie "Spiderman."

(Segment Three)

Food shop pitstops: Olive oil store, cheese factory, and cookies!

Bonus points: Adam makes Tamara laugh so hard her sides hurt.

Adam points out the Italian restaurant, Palma. Although it's closed for the holiday, a man peeks outside and asks if he can help.

"I was just mentioning that there's a really great patio in the back. Are you the owner?" he asks.

"No. I'm his cousin. But come back and I'll show you!"

The team heads to the back of the restaurant, revealing a hidden haven with ivy climbing up the walls.

Bonus points: Adam speaks Italian with the family and mentions how he loved his two years living in Sicily.

(cutaway. inner monologue.)

I can't believe how great this guy is. He's smart, fun, and always smiling! And he's done so much. Travelled the world. Snowboards. Has his pilot's license. Skydived. Bungee jumped. Twice.

This guy is super great!

I think my feet are frozen. But I don't care!

TV trivia bonus: Adam points out the house that "Friends" made famous.

They have seen plenty of television sites for the day, but will they get the tickets?

The team heads to the standby line for "The Colbert Report" early, landing in second place! Their chances are looking good! Wait until you see what happens next!

*Commercial Break: The two grab another couple hot chocolates and wait for another hour to find out if their standby tickets will get them in.

Okay everyone. We're back outside the studious of "The Colbert Report" where our team is anxiously awaiting word. And... YES! They will make it in! Great job!

Adam freaks with excitement! Not only will he get to see his favorite show, but he'll get to see Stephen Colbert host his 500th show!

Bonus points: Tony award-winning actress Christine Ebersole sings, "What I Did For Love," the hit song from Tamara's most favorite musical of all time, "A Chorus Line."

Our team has worked hard for this one. And what a record! Adam takes his place at the top as Tamara's longest first date ever... at a whopping 13 hours!!

Congratulations team! Your hard work paid off!

Until next time...?

TV Announcer:

They have won the prize, but have they won each other's hearts? What will happen next? Be sure to stay tuned!

Hallelujah 4 Harlem - Ryan

There was a heightened energy on the streets the day before Martin Luther King, Jr. day and just two days before Barack Obama would be sworn in as our first black president. We thought it was appropriate timing that we were taking in Harlem's history.

I'd been so excited for this particular date, and I wasn't embarrassed to share my enthusiasm with my friends. I had already decided I was halfway in love with Ryan based on the clever quips from our email exchanges alone. He is smart. Funny. Cute. Kind.

And, he had charmed me even more with a really great date idea that I was hoping to do.

Even though Harlem is my home, I haven't taken the time to see many of its fantastic sites or hear its glorious choirs. So Ryan and I had planned to take in some Harlem gospel music.

Fate would change our plans.

I had worked late into the night, not arriving home until 4am. I don't even remember falling asleep, much less my alarm going off four hours later.
Ryan called me at 8:30 to let me know some last-minute business kept him at work until 6am.

We decided to start our day later than planned and prayed that somehow we would find good church music, somehow.

I believe in miracles.

Our self-guided tour began on 125th Street. I walked beside him as he bounced along, showing how his hip hop moves would help him fit in with the locals. We passed a woman giggling in favor of Ryan's skills.

It is impossible to be bored around him.

This was a new adventure for Ryan. He moved to the city three months ago from an all-white town of 13,000 people in Michigan. He was excited to be in the mix of an environment so different from his own and wanted to see everything.

I pointed out the Apollo Theater and we headed over. It was locked. Fearless Ryan happily asked the cops standing outside if they could break us in. My charismatic companion was quickly making new friends.

Ryan announced to Harlem that "he had arrived" as we headed across the street. A vendor stepped in our way. "Do you like jazz?" He quickly tried to sell us a cd, which he would sell to Ryan for $15.

"I'm sorry, we have a budget of just $31 today." Ryan was very diligent with our budget.
"Ten dollars then!" says the determined salesman.

Ryan wasn't swayed and we headed inside.

During the Winter months, The Studio Museum is free admission on Sundays. This was a must-see on our list.

It was quiet before we arrived.

There was an exhibit for Barkley L. Hendricks, an African-American painter who had a flair for life-sized portraits in the seventies. My favorite was the self-portraits of Hendricks in a superman shirt. Without any pants. I snickered like I was back in junior high.

We headed back outside and enjoyed the vibe of the neighborhood, hoping that we would be blessed enough to find a local nighttime church service.

Our turn onto 116th street led us toward the Harlem Market. I took some pictures while Ryan was stopped by another guy hungry for a sale. The man wrapped a black-roped bracelet onto Ryan's wrist and declared, "25 dollars! That's from an elephant!"

"Elephant tusks?" Ryan quizzed.

"Yes! Fifteen dollars!"

I was surprised that Ryan - a natural salesman - had not quickly picked up the New Yorker's knack for saying "no."

We finally made our way out of the market when we spotted the mecca to our miracle across the street.

"Let's do it," he guided.

We weaved our way through the crowds and into a church where we were welcomed by smiling faces. It was obvious we were visitors, but Ryan acted as if we belonged there.

"Is there another service?" he asked.

The bishop opened his arms to us. "There's a service at 6:00!"

I watched as Ryan quickly won the bishop over. He then reached into his wallet and handed the bishop his business card. The bishop raised his eyebrow at me. "Is he making a sales pitch to me?"

"No," Ryan said. I work for this company and I'd like to give you a complimentary gift for your hospitality.

I told you. Natural salesman.

But I was also quickly learning: also a naturally good guy.

We had time to kill so we walked up to Marcus Garvey Park.

I asked what he did for Christmas and he mentioned that since the homeless shelters already had volunteers he did what he thought was the next best thing. He invited a homeless guy into his home, offered him a shower, some new clothes, and took the guy out for a meal.

The cynic in me wanted to think, "Is this guy for real?"

But he is.

Ryan is the real deal.

I found that out as we walked into the park and up Mount Morris. Ryan made sure I didn't slip on the snow. He told me about his family, their trials, and a life-changing car accident he had when he was younger. It's apparent that Ryan enjoys every moment in life and takes the small things into account.

As we headed back down the hill there was an empty black plastic bag sitting on the ground. A typical prop to Harlem's scenery.

Ryan picked the bag up and dropped it off into the next garbage can we passed.

That's just the kind of gesture in his nature. And it became exceedingly apparent as we were sitting back in the church.

Everyone just flocked to him. Yes, I'm sure that the fact that we were the only white people there had something to do with it. But Ryan just gives off a certain vibe that allows you to feel fully comfortable with who you are. He is a celebration of life in human form.

The beginning of the service was a series of singing, praising "Hallelujah", and hearing people stand and share their testimonies. One after another, congregational members stood and talked about how they loved the Lord and knew that God was good. They spoke of their challenges, their never-ending faith, and their gratitude for the community.

And then Ryan stood up.

"I had to work until 6am and I wasn't able to make it to church this morning. We just found this service because we were walking by tonight. And I just wanted to say that I have never felt more welcomed in a church than I have this one. So thank you."

Everyone clapped and cheered, "Welcome!" as if he were a superstar.

I was so honored to be next to this man.

He danced and sang his tone-deaf heart out. He clapped off beat. He shouted "Amen!" and "Hallelujah" with everyone around us. I thanked God and clenched my heart feeling the love and joy around me.

And I no longer felt out of place.

We weren't part of the minority.

We belonged there. We were part of Harlem.

Hallelujah.

3 Point Shot - Chris

My friend, Lumina, warned me about him.

"He's hot, Tam. You might end up liking him."

Check.

And checkmate.

I hustled, zig-zagging my way around Penn Station to meet Chris outside Madison Square Garden. He had travelled all the way down from his home outside of Boston and I wanted this avid sports fan to do something special in the city. So some tough detective work helped us track down a cheap pair of tickets online to the Knicks v. 76ers game.

I was on the phone with him trying to figure out where he was.

"I'm standing outside wearing a white hat," he said.

From half a block away I spotted him. His stature struck me from afar. Quickly I came up to him and he drew me into a tight embrace.

This guy knows how to play the game well.

We made our way up to the nose-bleed section and found our seats among the packed coliseum. It was a close game but neither of us was really paying attention. Instead we sat and talked about... well, everything.

He makes sacrifices for his family. He still plays baseball. And he cuts through the bull quickly.

Chris is really easy to be around.

I found myself telling him things that I haven't told some of my closest friends.

**Time Out**

Look.

I know that's not the way to play the dating game... starting out by pouring out your most embarrassing thoughts, sharing your biggest fears about marriage, and letting him see more than just "me on my best first-date behavior." I know I played all my cards too early.

But I felt like I was in a no-lose situation.

Chris lives four hours away. He knows I'm dating, well, a couple dozen other guys or so. I wasn't sure if anything would ever happen with him.

But the truth is, I'd like to see him again.

The Knicks seemed to be giving too much up too. They kept losing possession in the last quarter. Any time they'd score three points, the fans would scream.

"Threeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!"

Chris and I kept pushing further. Sharing more than we probably should have. Crossing conversational boundaries most people wouldn't. Stepping out of bounds I typically don't when first meeting.

So I'm not sure how well I did there. Did I commit a true dating game violation? Was this a technical foul?

The Knicks lost.

By ten points.

Looks like everyone wasn't on their game.

Second Act: Playing a New Part - Joel

I crouched down on the floor at Dance New Amsterdam's black box theater, gazing up at the dimmed fresnel lights hanging from the rafters. The curtains were tied back, revealing the large, empty arena where only an hour before dancers had swept its floor with their feet. The seats were empty but I could still feel the warmth of the audience's energy.


I always feel at home in theaters.

Joel was waiting for me in the lobby talking with some of our mutual friends. It took me a few minutes to remind myself that tonight, Joel was not just someone I had known for a year. Instead, he was the man who was going out of his way to pay attention to me for the evening. I felt awkward as our friends watched us pair off, finding our way toward the back of the theater to create our own space.

It was apparent that our challenge would be to break out of our typical roles.
Quite refreshing for two people who love the theatre and like each other.

The show was one I had known about since its development. The choreographer is a very good friend of mine, as are some of the dancers.
I happen to love modern art in all of its forms. Years ago I didn't really understand it, and then I came to the conclusion that modern art had less to do with understanding its meaning and more to do with understanding what it meant to you.
I like the way it makes me feel.

The movement of Rebecca's show, "Rush Reflecting," reminded me of the freedom within each of us that we sometimes forget to release. The all-female troupe's syncopated struts and sometimes synchronized flow resonated the empowerment and beauty of women who work together to make something simple, grand. The calculated chaotic movements reminded me of life's bumpy journeys.
I felt refreshed.

Joel and I stayed for the reception after the show and chatted with our friends. We were coupled in comfort.

We stepped out into the frigid night air and took a walk.

City Hall was lit up and I excitedly took my brand new camera out of my purse to take a picture.
We then headed toward the river and took a stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge.

Joel, playing the proper role of gentleman, asked if I were warm enough to stay outside. I, in the part of the typically chilly girl who was welcoming a kind suitor, said I didn't mind.
The temperature on the WatchTower read eight degrees.

We caught up on what we'd been up to over the past few months. He told me about his newest projects, plays, and philosophies. I told him about my latest dreams and ideas.

There were no scripts. No longer the feel of our friends as an audience.
It was just us, enjoying the company of our truest selves.

First Date - Rob

Snowfall fell onto the city this morning, setting an appropriate scene for a fresh start. It also meant that today's plans would be in for a definite change.

I was so nervously excited about my first date that I realized an hour after leaving home that I had put on two different earrings. Luckily I carry a spare matching pair in my purse for such an absent-minded occasion.

Originally, Rob and I had planned to head to Central Park and see if we could get a carriage ride. But this is what Central Park looked like.
And there were no horses or carriages to be seen.
We had come up with a few backup plans but then I spotted something on the internet that really looked interesting.

My nerves continued to grow throughout the day. There was breaking news and I was concerned I might get stuck at work. "Was it a sign?", I thought.
I took a few moments seriously considering throwing in the towel to this whole project, thinking that I was fairly crazy for taking this on.

I knew nothing about Rob except that his name was Rob. I had his email address and eventually I had his phone number.

I didn't even know how we had found each other. My friend, Katie, had sent a few guys my way, but I wasn't sure if she actually knew any of them.

Thirty minutes before our date I received a phone call from Rob and learned something about him: Rob was going to be someone I liked. His rich rumbling voice struck me instantly. At that point I knew nothing more than the fact that I could be entertained listening to him read the back of a cereal box and that I would meet him soon.

I think that made me even more nervous.

I donned my hat and coat and made my last-minute rounds to my co-workers. "I'm leaving for my date now!"
They were excited but were a little wary of the fact that I knew so little about him. "If you don't show up tomorrow, what else will we be able to tell the police? All you know is his name?"
I'm glad I took the risk.

I left work and saw that the weather had warmed and the fresh palette of the snow had disappeared.

I arrived at the south end of Columbus Circle to see a handsome man with an inviting smile. All of my nervousness was calmed. And then he offered me a long-stem rose. It was the perfect welcome to my first date.

We walked into the doors of a venue that has only been open for a few months: The Museum of Art and Design. The museum is typically $15 per person for admission. But during the evening hours, they recommend a donation of $10, but it is pay what you like. Rob and I thought the recommended amount was great.

We headed upstairs and saw some really great artwork. I quickly learned that I was not allowed to take pictures of anything, so you'll have to take my word for it that some of the artwork was really cool. We debated which ones we liked better: the eight-foot-tall pyramid made of rubber-banded plastic spoons or the Christmas tree-sized lighted lily made of plastic forks? There were funky murals crafted from bottle caps, a 12-foot-tall shadowed profile made of disposable combs, wall-sized computerized pictographs, and a swirling stack of old chairs. My most favorite was a series of gift bags with meticulously cut out pieces used to create tiny trees that mimicked the clever craftsmanship of fretwork on an old building.

As we walked throughout the museum I learned that there was much more to this guy than just a stunning voice and a one-syllable name. Rob is 30 and from Long Island. He's a financial computer programmer with a business background. And he keeps busy.
Rob is a once-sponsored skateboarder turned snowboarder. He owns two motorcycles. He knows how to fix cars. And likely your computer. He works out regularly (which you can tell from his strong stature), and he likes to spend his free time with friends he's had forever.

At first I took him for the ulti-male. But he plays sports and doesn't watch them. In fact, there's little television that he watches. And he has this subtle yet keen sense of humility that is truly enchanting.
Rob listens. He's gentle yet he holds this strong force that drives him to work hard. He has big dreams and will accomplish anything he wants.

As we wrapped up our tour of the museum I found myself feeling as if I hadn't talked with him nearly enough, so we sat for a little bit at one of the many Starbucks in Manhattan. A warm drink would do us well.
The temperature had dropped considerably. I felt a cool breeze tapping my neck every time the shop's door would open.
The day's changing weather had played in my favor.

The Rules

Game Rules:
*Each date lasts at least 31 minutes
*Each date costs less than $31
*Some of the dates will be with friends
*Some dates will be with strangers
*Some will be set-ups...
*Dates will take place in a public setting
*No drugs
*No alcohol (Yes, seriously. None.)
*No married men

Date #31 falls on Valentine's Day. That date will be a second date with one of the men.

if you would like to host your own project with similar rules, just email me: 31datesin31days@gmail.com

Memorable Dates

I will say, each of my 31 Dates was better than I could have imagined. But that's not always the case with dating, is it? We all have those horrid stories when we walked away wondering if we would ever dare date again. I've had my share too. For example:

Rick.
We went out a few years ago. A mutual friend had been trying to set us up for a while. When we finally went out, we went to a restaurant not too far from my apartment.
"We're headed to the 'hood?" I asked.
"It's three blocks away," he said.
Um... fast-forward to the end of dinner... and I saw that my purse had been stolen.
I wasn't asked on a second date.

And then... there was Mike.
I had wanted to ask me out for over two years. Two years!!! And when he finally did, he came over to my apartment with dinner. My very food-motivated dog ran out into the hallway and I was so nervous Watson would just jump up and eat all the food Mike had brought. As I chased the hungry pup down the hall, the door to my apartment followed and locked behind me.
My superintendent - gone.
Maintenence guy - gone.
Friend who had a key - out of town.
And then as I was standing there, holding onto my dog in bare feet, I remembered that one of my windows was cracked. As a friend held onto Watson, Mike and I crawled through the alley where they keep all of our trash and then we scaled the wall into my window.
No second date on that one either.

But there have also been those dates where the time just passes and I realize several hours have magically disappeared.
Those are some of my favorites.

So what about you?
What are your most memorable dates?

About Tamara's Project

After a long string of breakups, Tamara tried to warm her broken heart by the 31 candles glowing from her birthday cake. She decided it was time to adopt a risky set of rules for her 31st year: learn how to enjoy first dates and avoid jumping into another tumultuous relationship. She vowed to say 'no' to relationships and, instead, would enjoy her successful single life in New York City by taking on the ultimate dating adventure: 31 Dates in 31 Days. While juggling a full-time news job and dwindling hours of sleep, Tamara would focus on dating one man every day for a month. On day 31 - Valentine's Day - she would host her 31st date, which would be a spectacular second date with one of the suitors.

She developed her one-month master's class on men, threw out all her bad dating habits, prejudgments, and old criticisms. Instead, she would immerse herself in the dating world, dating one man every day while remaining open-minded to see what the men would teach her. She entering the project a cynic, believing there were "no good men in New York" and had no hopes of finding a long-lasting boyfriend.

From cynical New York City dater to hopeless romantic, Tamara's 31 dates helped change her attitude about men, dating, love, and life. She kept dating one of the men she met during her project. In one year's time, she went from blogger to bride.

Tamara has worked in television news for more than 12 years. Most recently, she was a writer for ABC's Good Morning America in New York City. She has also worked as a newscast producer for KATU-TV in Portland, Oregon, KSL-TV in Salt Lake City, Utah, and WSLS-TV in Roanoke, Virginia.
Tamara started working in the news business at 18, scurrying behind-the-scenes with journalists at the Republican National Convention in 1996. She muscled her way into an internship at a local TV station, waking at 3am for work and leaving at 9am for an overload of college courses. As a motivated Dean's List student, she graduated from Roanoke College with a double-major in just three years, placing her among the school's youngest graduates in its nearly 170-year history.
Tamara also has a master of arts degree from Columbia University's Graduate School of Journalism, where she was a recipient of the full-tuition Lee Bollinger Fellowship. It was in grad school where she first started writing about dating in New York with her thesis project, Celibacy and the City, a radio documentary profiling single Mormons in Manhattan.

After years in the busy news business, Tamara now spends her days writing about love, dating, and the life-changing project that helped her find the kind of man she never believed existed. She spends lots of time watching movies, lots of money on theater and concert tickets, and lots of calories on eating cupcakes. She and her husband reside in Los Angeles.

Tamara's first book, The Dating Project: 31 Dates in 31 Days, is expected in bookstores in 2011.





email Tamara: 31datesin31days@gmail.com
Or visit the website

The 31st Date!

Hello fellow daters!

Here is the answer to that question you have all been asking, "How will you CHOOSE?"
Well, if you have been reading, you will notice that I have run into a big problem. Unfortunately, every single man who I have met over the last month is incredibly amazing and I would be a very lucky woman if any one of them asked me out again.

So. I am going to need some help! On Friday morning (February 13th), I have plans with a kind gentleman to have date #30. After our date, I will write about it and post it on the site.
Then, I will post a poll that includes only the men who will be AVAILABLE for a date on the 14th. I have asked each one of them about their plans and a bunch of them won't even be able to make it on the 14th (so hopefully I will be able to see them again some other time!).

The poll will be open from Friday late afternoon until early Saturday morning (12am EST/3am PST). Poll results will be hidden.
The announcement of "who is number 31" will appear on television Saturday morning.

My Valentine's Day plans are underway and will be a bit of an extravaganza, breaking our beloved $31 rule.

So who would do you think would be a suitable date for Valentine's Day?
Your vote will count for two-thirds. I will weigh in for the remaining 33%.

If you have any questions about any of the men or if you would like to cheer on any in particular, feel free to email me. I might even post some of your thoughts here on the site.

Thank you again for all of your support!
-tamara