What it's Really Like Doing a Dating Project ~ Chantal

It's been two months since I introduced you to Chantal, who was MARCHing in the men. She's a Phoenix hottie who spent the month of March reigning in a series of first date adventures.

Chantal's "MARCH in the Men" Calendar = SUCCESS!

Her goal was to get 15 dates during the 30 days of the month. And even though she was worried about filling her calendar with that personal challenge, she ended up with a whopping 24 dates in March, including two of those dates in one day!

Now that she's finished the project, she's kicking back and assessing, looking forward to more first dates... and maybe some second dates too!

Here's my recent interview with her about her version of March Madness:

Tamara: You first found out about my 31 Dates in 31 Days when a friend dragged you to hear me talk one night. And somehow, an hour later, you left that room bouncing to your computer to tell me you wanted to do your own project! So cool! So what exactly was it about your dating life that made you think a dating project was needed? 
Chantal: Dating life, what dating life?  It was pretty non-existent pre-project.  I'm not going to deny the fact that I began to wonder if something was wrong with me... was I unapproachable, unfriendly, lacking in the grooming and hygiene department, not making enough of an effort to put myself in situations to be asked out? 
In addition to these growing questions and insecurities, the little dating I had been doing was ending badly.  I seemed to keep attracting guys who essentially were looking for friends with benefits, or an unofficial dating arrangement, void of commitment.  This left me hurt, confused and, yes, bitter towards dating and men in general.  I realized I needed to do something different and drastic to adjust my attitude and learn the answers to the questions I had before it was too late and I became a hopeless man-hater, doomed for spinster life all my days.
  
Tamara: What were you hoping to get from your dating project experience (other than avoid eternal "hopeless man-hating spinster" life)?
Chantal: I was mostly hoping to learn things about myself and how to shift my attitude so that I could enjoy dating and learn to go on first dates without placing somany hopes and expectations for a future relationship on it.  Rather, I wanted to just focus on positive attributes in each man.  I was hoping to learn how to find some common ground with all kinds of men so that I could learn how to be a better dater. Ultimately I wanted to gain experience that would help me restore my hope in dating, improve my weaknesses, recognize traits I'm looking for and exercise discernment.

Tamara: So how did you get so many guys to go out with you?
Chantal: Lie, Beg, Borrow and Steal?  Okay, not really, I never had to lie for a date, not exactly.  But I did have to beg, sort of.  Embarassing I know.  I was so afraid that it would be impossible for me to find just 5 guys to take me on a date, let alone 15+.  I mean if I wasn't getting asked out much the conventional way, there wasn't a ready line of men just waiting to volunteer for the project, right?  So I knew I had to go public.  I created the blog and made a youtube video and launched the site a week or so before the start date.  I enlisted the help of all my friends and family too, begging them to set me up and send any single man with a pulse and no criminal record my way.  I guess it worked...

Tamara: Uhhh... It worked REALLY well! Other than having a date almost every night of the month, in what ways did your dating project seem different from your dating life?
Chantal: Hmmm, I guess it was easier in the sense that I was actually going on dates and men were coming to me, signing up, and actually following through.  They were planning great dates too!, It was also convenient that things got scheduled in advance so it was nice and structured and I knew exactly when I was going out- which was nearly every night for a whole month.  It was exhausting, however.  And since I agreed to go on first dates only during the project it made things a bit complicated when guys were trying to follow-up after their dates and see me again.  My time was limited and it was hard to try and balance my time and not make anyone feel like I was neglecting them.

Tamara: What was the most memorable part of your project?
Chantal: The MEN.  Hands down they are what made my project a success.  Each and every one of them as individuals really impressed me in one way or another.  I took something away from each one of their stories and examples.  They really touched me and I learned so much from each of them as they shared pieces of their lives with me.  They truly inspired me to be a better person in so many ways.

Tamara: I totally agree! Same, same. So, would you do it again?

Chantal: I don't think I'd have the energy or time to do it again anytime soon!  But I definitively don't regret it and would go back and do it all over again if I could.
Tamara: Did you learn anything about yourself? And dating?
Chantal: Heck yes!!  I learned that so many of my dating anxieties were unnecessary and that I had perhaps put unrealistic expectations on myself and men going into initial dates.  I also learned that it's okay to be relaxed and myself, even on a first date.  Dating should be about respect and putting your best foot forward, but not about walking on eggshells.  The more comfortable I was with letting my personality out, the better connection I formed on the dates.

Tamara: So, what about now?? How did your dating project and the lessons you learned from it affect the way you look at dating? 
Chantal: It has really helped me use better judgment when making tough dating decisions, like whether or not to pursue relationships with particular men or not.  I often reflect back on many of the good qualities and traits I really appreciated and long for in my future companion that I saw in some of the men I met during the project.  When I am confronted with uncertainties about current dating situations and the men in my life, I think about how they make me feel and how they treat me and whether or not they inspire me to be a better person.  I've learned to hold onto the hope that there are still good men out there and that dating can be enjoyable.  So I am not going to settle until I find the man for me.  I won't give up now.

Tamara: What advice do you have for other men and women considering this? 
Chantal: Just set a goal and go for it!  If you have the right attitudeand truly want to learn something, you will.  And it will be one of thebest dating experiences of your life.  And one of the biggest eye-openingexperiences for yourself.  Just do it - you won't regret it!

I have a feeling Chantal's summer calendar will be just as busy with guys asking her out.

And what about YOU??? Interested in changing the way you date? Consider taking the Dating Challenge. What do you think? Do you dare to date differently??

What it's Really Like Doing a Dating Project ~ Melissa

Two daring daters!

You remember my friend and kindred spirit Melissa, right? She's the one who's gone on not one, but THREE dating extravanganzas! Can you believe it??

Yummm!

She calls them her "dating blitzes," which always makes me think of "blintzes." You know what I'm talking about - those tasty crepe-like treats with creamy cheese and fruit. Mmmmm.
It makes Melissa's adventures seem both fun AND yummy.

Her first blitz took her across America. The second, to Europe. And finally, back to her home in New York City. Recently I asked her to share some details about all of her experiences, what she enjoyed/hated the most, and whether she'd ever dare to go on a FOURTH blitz! Here's my interview with Melissa Braverman.

What was it about your dating life that led you to doing something so dramatically different?

I was feeling a little disenchanted with a pattern I had noticed with dating in New York – that shopping around often seems to be more of a priority here than settling down. I wanted to find out – is it just me? And is it easier to meet the right person if you’re somewhere else?

So what did you find out? IS it "just you?" And is it easier if you're somewhere else?

I found out that it definitely isn’t just me. Pretty much all of the women I met and guys I dated said they were having a tough time finding the right person too. Still, I would say it’sp robably a little easier outside of New York, because it’s much more common in other cities to settle down at a younger age. Here in the Big Apple, there’s no pressure to settle down – you can be single without being judged for it.

You've done several of these blitzes. What keeps making you do them again and again? What were you hoping to get from your dating project experience?
I can honestly say each blitz represented something different for me. The first one was very much about discovering what dating is like outside of New York – and finding out about what had been holding me back from a lasting relationship. I really had no plans to do it again until a good friend of mine suggested I continue my adventure and go to Europe. My European Blitz was almost kind of an antidote to the first one – less about a whirlwind dating marathon and more about exploring the cultural differences in dating, and taking the time to reflect on everything I had learned during my first trip.
Two years later, it felt right to apply all of those lessons to a dating blitz here in my hometown. This one was simply about meeting new people in a fun way that had nothing to do with online dating, speed dating, etc. That’s the irony of doing a dating blitz. People tend to think it’s very unconventional but it’s actually just the opposite, because it’s about making connections the old fashioned way: through other people.

Melissa in Cleveland
Making the first stop of her first dating blitz

How did you manage to find so many people to go out with you?

In this day and age of social media, six degrees of separation is more like two. As soon as I shared what I was doing with friends via email and put it up on Facebook and Twitter, I heard from a lot of singles – people who wanted to introduce me to someone and even a few brave bachelors who nominated themselves! Interestingly, my dating blitzes across the U.S. and Europe were much easier than the one I did recently here in NYC. I think New York guys are more guarded, and many were (understandably) uncomfortable with the fact that I was blogging about my experience – a concern that didn’t really come up during my other trips.

Is it easier or harder to date during your time with the blitzes than with dating without a project?

Both. I think it’s easier in the sense that I didn’t get as hung up on the ups and downs that go along with first dates, because I viewed them as being part of a larger experience. But it’s also harder because going on a series of dates in a short space of time can be exhausting. Sometimes you just don’t feel like making small talk with a perfect stranger!

What was the most memorable part of your recent project?

The most memorable part of my recent project was actually how I connected with one of my dates. He was at a disastrous speed dating event when he ended up meeting a friend of mine afterward. That friend introduced us and this guy and I went out a handful of times. We would never have met if both of us hadn’t been willing to be a little adventurous when it comes to meeting new people. Keeping yourself open and getting out of your comfort zone go a long way when you’re trying to shake up your love life.

Did you learn anything about yourself? Did you learn anything new about dating?

I learned so much about myself – most importantly that I was holding on to certain things in my past which were getting in the way of me truly being open to and ready for a relationship. As far as dating, I learned that – as cliché as it sounds – it really is about making the most of where you are in the journey and not worrying about the destination.

How did your dating project (and the lessons you learned from it) affect the way you look at dating now?

I think one of the biggest takeaways for me is that you can’t really control if or when you meet the right person. I used to treat dating almost like a second job. Though I would love to meet someone special, now it’s more about having fun with the process instead of trying to fill up my calendar with potential Mr. Rights.

Where are you with dating now? Are you burnt out? Open to dating? Hoping for a relationship?

Well, I’m definitely burnt out on dating blitzes! But I’m completely open to dating. I would love to meet someone special, and I’m also appreciating where I am right now in this journey called singlehood – thankful for everything I’ve learned along the way and enjoying the present moment!

What advice do you have for other women considering this?

First and foremost, pace yourself! Though it’s great to have a target number of dates, don’t let that dictate how the experience unfolds. It’s good to have a little breathing room between dates so you don’t wear yourself out. And don’t go into it with preconceived expectations of what will or should happen. Embrace every part of the adventure and no matter what the outcome is, you’ll be glad you did it.

I couldn't agree with Melissa more about, well, everything she's said here. You can hear more from her by visiting her website, Single Gal in the City. 
I'll get to see her again in person in just a few days when I'll be back in New York City! I have a book event for 31 Dates in 31 Days! It'll be at the Barnes and Noble at 115th and Broadway (by Columbia University). Starts at 6:00pm. Come! And tell your friends!

And if you're interested in your own dating project, check out my Dating Challenge. You could have some fun with a blitz - or three!
All this talk is making me hungry. Mmmmm. Blintzes.

Dare to Date ~ Inspiration in the Mountains

Go Azure!

Check out the latest Daring Dater - a woman who dove into her "20 First Dates" project within a few days of finishing my book, 31 Dates in 31 Days.

Meet Azure.
She's from Salt Lake City and has already gone on 16 first dates in the past few weeks and hopes to go on 20 by the end of the month.

Azure has been the most tenacious person so far to contact me about hosting her own dating project. She took a burst of inspiration and went with it - full force!
Apparently, she'd spent an evening listening to her married church leaders tell their "how we met" stories. The leaders reminded her and the other singles in the crowd to enjoy their single days. She felt inspired to do something.
Here's her story:

Azure ~ Going on 20 First Dates in May

As I left that night's activity, feeling anxious about the ups and downs of another evening of socializing with singles, I felt like I needed to read the book 31 Dates in 31 Days. In it Tamara describes her experiences with creating and living her own dating project. As I finished reading about all of the things she learned and the ways she grew, I realized I needed to do this too. So, I emailed Tamara, the author, and asked for her Dating Boot Camp Starter Kit.

Okay, so here's the thing. Usually, someone will contact me about changing their dating habits, beginning their own dating project, or they'll have some general relationship inquiries. Sometimes people disappear for a while, only to return contact a few weeks later to let me know "I'm READY."

But Azure, on the other hand, pushed forward with immediacy. NO hesitation! She was determined to date differently. In fact, a couple weeks had quickly passed before we connected once again and she'd ALREADY been well into her project!
I couldn't be more proud of her! Such guts!
When we spoke via Skype a few days ago, she seemed in a peaceful, open, and loving state of mind (also... understandably tired after weeks of constant dating!). She has just a few more days to go for the end of this adventure, but I have a feeling her calendar will continue to be booked once June comes along!
You can read about Azure's adventures and honest insights here.
Congrats Azure! Keep up the great work!

State to State Updates

from New York City ~

At the last minute, my husband and I decided to extend our trip back east to include a quick jaunt to New York City. This was the first time we'd been back since we moved, got married, and since I published the book. Lots to celebrate!
The fabulous bakers at Make My Cake in Harlem hosted a book event for me, where I got to see a few friends, including Marcus, who took my dating challenge last fall. I also finally got to meet my kindred spirit in dating extravaganzas, Melissa a.k.a. Single Gal in the City. She's currently in the midst of a dating blitz - her third long-term dating adventure. What endurance! I'll be sure to tell you more about her and her experiences in a future post.
Also among my sightings: a few of my 31 DATES!!! Can you imagine? It was a little like those nightmares I've had about all the guys I've ever gone out with being in the same place. Again, more on that later, because right now I have some other awesome updates to report.

from Houston, Texas ~

My girls Mauren, Kim, Jessica, and Becca have wrapped their impressive team challenge, 40 Dates in 40 Days. Over the last month or so, each of them has gone out on 10 dates with some of Houston's most eligible bachelors. By doing this project in tandem, they've been each other's biggest cheerleaders (and maybe even competitors!)
This week, their friends and blog readers matched each gal with guys from their journey for a second date. Can't wait for the updates on those. I'm so proud of these girls for stepping out and giving it all they've got!

from Phoenix, Arizona ~

Daredevil Chantal is wrapping up her month-long challenge to March in the Men. What I've loved most is that Chantal has not only gone out with really great guys, she and her dates have been able to take simple date ideas and turn them into adventures. From fishing, to spelunking, to finding treasures among trash, Chantal has found the fun in every date. Congrats on such a great month!

MARCHing in the Men

Often I get emails from that sound something like this:

              Hi Tamara! I read your book and would love to try something like it. Can you help?
           Will  you send me your Dating Boot Camp Starter Kit? How do I get started?? Can't wait!

But last month I received a note that was a little different. Because it came from a skeptic.
Truthfully, I expect some people to hear about my project and have their doubts. Because let's face it, I would have been that girl not reading the book and thinking, "That chick is CRAZY." In fact, while I was doing the project, I consistently thought about myself, "I must be crazy." So I get it.

In late February, I was invited to speak to a few hundred of Los Angeles' most eligible. Among them was Chantal, a hot 20-something paralegal visiting from Phoenix who'd been dragged to the event by her friends. (Here's a snippet from the email she sent me:)

I have to admit, I wasn't super excited to go... I had heard about your project and had made assumptions about what you must be like and/or the reasons why you decided to undertake such a project. But there I was, listening to you, and I was blown away!  

Suddenly the whole thing made total sense to me. I felt inspired or enlightened, call it what you like, but here I am ready to take the plunge and try something different myself (what?!).

Chantal didn't waste any time getting started! I sent her my Dating Boot Camp Starter Kit, we chit-chatted, and she was off!
On the first of March, she kicked off her "MARCH in the Men" Project, where she'd go out on as many first dates in March as possible. She's spent the last few weeks meeting some super smarties, some softies, and some serious adventurers. One guy even surprised her with spelunking! How cool is that? I wanna go explore caves!

Chantal will be dating and blogging through the end of the month. While she talks a lot about the guys and their date nights, what I'm most excited about are the lessons she's been learning so far (no surprise, right?). I really love hearing from other people about how dating is not only FUN but is also helping people become better people.

Chantal's lesson from her 3rd date:
"...And that's what I'm learning from this journey so far I think - that when given the opportunity, each person has a story to tell. And those stories begin to reveal who they really are and what their lives are really about. And that, I'm finding, is quite beautiful and fascinating."
Chantal's lesson from her 8th date:
"The point is, he's inspired me to be better, to try harder, to search for opportunities and to take more action where I can. I believe that any individual that inspires something positive in us is an individual that was meant to cross our path."
How awesome!
She still has a couple more weeks to March in the Men. Keep that endurance going, Chantal!
Know anyone in Phoenix who'd be interested in going out with Chantal? Or wanna start your own dating project? Email me!

My book, 31 Dates in 31 Days, is a finalist in the About.com's Reader's Choice Awards for BEST DATING BOOK! Here's the link to cast your vote every day until March 21, 2012 when the contest ends. 

Thank you for your support!

Houston, We Have a Project

Becca, Jess, Kim, and Mauren 

A couple months ago I received an email from Mauren, a recently-turned 31 year old single gal from Houston. She'd just read my book, 31 Dates in 31 Days, and was inspired to kick off her own dating project with a few of her closest friends.
Mauren's request: I'm just looking for some ideas on ways that we as a group could start a dating project that would challenge each of us but help us learn something from it, too. 

Of course! 

Step #1 - I sent her and her friends a copy of my Dating Boot Camp Starter Kit. 
Step #2 - We set up two group meetings over Skype. With poor lighting and herbal tea, I got to chat with Becca, Jessica, Kim, and Mauren about their hopes for their project. Understanding their backgrounds and hopes made it easier to help come up with some rules and parameters. They decided on the time frame: 40 Dates in 40 Days. Here's the way their project works: Each of the girls will go on a total of ten dates, taking turns throughout the entire 40 days.
Step #3 - The ladies set up their blog, came up with some great date ideas, and started asking friends to help find some men who might be interested in having fun around Houston.
Step #4 - Kick off the project! The day after Valentine's Day marked Date #1.


I found the timing appropriate actually. After all, 'tis the season of Lent, when people give up something for 40 days. For these women, they're setting aside their old dating ways and trying something new.

They just passed the halfway mark, with Becca going out on her fifth date (and the 20th date of the project). From her blog post:

Oh Blog, I can't believe I'm half way there. My first five dates have been so much fun! I know there are people out there wondering how much we are leaving out to make these guys seem so great. I am blessed to tell you that it's not that much. :) These guys are awesome! I am learning a lot. Thanks to everyone who is making this journey with me! Wish me luck on the next 5 dates.

-Becca

Yesterday, Jessica shared some insight with me about how the project has already given her one of those "AH HA!" moments! She had a big revelation about herself and the way she's been handling her life when it comes to romance and relationships. Here's what she's realized about the way she's been dating for many years:

There comes a moment early on with each of them where I decide where the relationship is going to go, either because I'm "sure" they would never be interested in me, or vice versa. When I realized I do that, I started asking myself the chicken or the egg question. Do I never date because no one is interested in me, or is no one interested in me because I decide they wouldn't be?

On my date with Nick, there was a moment in the car on the way to the lake where he said something and I felt It. That moment where normally I decide I could never be interested and steer the conversation into friend territory. I stopped myself and forced myself to react differently than I normally would, to keep an open mind and to let the conversation and night evolve naturally instead of steering the ship like I usually do.

It was an amazing experience. So far, he has been my favorite date and the only one of the guys that I have serious interest in dating. I'm so glad I didn't hit the switch and make the train go on to a different track that night! I'm working really hard to continue this new approach. Maybe most or all of these boys will just end up being my friend. And I'd be really happy with that, because they are all so great. But if we're "just friends" I will try to be sure it's because that's how the relationship evolved naturally, and not because I deliberately took it there, either because of insecurity or close-mindedness.
-Jessica

I'm so happy for these Houston gals! They've been having fun, they've learned about themselves, and they've also been downright spoiled.

From Kim:

So, I think I have been a little spoiled so far with the guys I have gone out with. I mean really... I got flowers from 3 of them. That's not normal, right? I have thoroughly enjoyed myself though, and am discovering that along with there being a lot of great guys in the area and fun things to do, I am date-able. I'm pretty fun, turns out. :) It's all just been a good confidence boost for me. I am hoping the 2nd half is as good to me as the first, because I truly have no complaints about the dates so far.

That's right. Flowers from THREE of the guys she's met. Looks like the Texas boys are giving a nod to the classic Southern Gentleman!
You can check out their blog to read all about their 40 Dates in 40 Days. It's quite an adventure and has plenty of great date ideas to do in any town!
Keep up the great work ladies!


 

My book, 31 Dates in 31 Days, is a finalist in the About.com's Reader's Choice Awards for BEST DATING BOOK! Here's the link to cast your vote every day until March 21, 2012 when the contest ends. 

Thank you for your support!

14 Days of Valentines - DAY 6

TODAY'S DATE IDEA:  PACK A PICNIC

Usually I sway people away from the idea of heading to a restaurant for a date. I hate the idea of being trapped at a table for two hours and feeling like I'm being interviewed/interrogated while slurping pasta primavera. My basic boring dating nightmare. Restaurants tend to offer few opportunities to talk about your surroundings, which is why I typically suggest finding an activity or fun location for a date.

Thus, the classic picnic. If you insist on having a date that involves some sort of dining experience, why not make it part of a small journey to a spot with beautiful surroundings and plenty of conversation starters? Today my husband and I headed to the park, found a bench by the fountain, watched the people walk by, the news helicopters overhead, and had yummy sandwiches.

At this point some of you might be shaking your head at me. "That's fine for those of you living in Los Angeles this time of year," you say, "but what about those of us freezing in February? We can't exactly go on a picnic in the dead of Winter!"

AU CONTRAIRE.

Warm weather and sunshine shouldn't be the only time of year we get to have fun outside. Ever heard of the "Winter Picnic?" Grab your warm clothes and fill the thermos with some hot chocolate. Or pack some soup and sandwiches. Bonus points if you actually have a snow date and get to build a snowman.
See? We can't do THAT in Los Angeles!


As I've mentioned before, the 14 Days of Valentines are about more than just going on great dates. There also days we can spend investing in our neighbors and friends.

Tonight I met with four new friends over Skype who are taking on my dating challenge and doing their own 31 Dates in 31 Days project. These four women from Houston are taking on 40 dates in 40 nights - 10 dates each. If you know any guys who'd be willing to participate, let me know!

14 Days of Valentines - DAY 3

TODAY'S DATE IDEA:  MAKE 'EM LAUGH

The Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip

Tonight we headed to The Comedy Store, one of L.A.'s premier comedy clubs. You don't have to live in a big city to go watch some standup. You also don't need to spend a lot of money.

Typically most comedy clubs charge around $10 just to get in the door, plus a two drink minimum. You can cut costs by finding your way onto "the list," bypassing your entry fee. You don't have to be famous to get on "the list" (although you might feel that way when you arrive!). I tracked down free entry to the comedy store by doing a quick online search for free tickets. Easy peasy.
Total cost for the whole night was just over $20.

Keep in mind similar options too: an open mic night, a poetry slam, a storytelling competition, or even consider grabbing the microphone yourself for karaoke night.

As for the rest of my "Day 3" of the 14 Days of Valentines, I spent my afternoon meeting with my new friend, Maureen, who's a fun, adventurous, and kicking off her own version of my 31 Dates in 31 Days project in southern California. She contacted me recently and was eager to take on my dating challenge.  She still has some spots available on her calendar. Send me an email if you know any guys who are up for a fun date in the next couple of weeks - or if you're interested in starting your own challenge!

How to Survive the Dating Challenge - Marcus, NYC (part 2)

Yesterday, I introduced you to Marcus, a recently-turned-33-year-old from New York City who dared to date differently. In honor of his birthday, he decided to help kick off my book release by taking on my dating challenge. Marcus aimed for 15 dates in three weeks - and he's the kind of guy who will work hard, commit, and make sure he finishes what he starts.
Now that he's had a few weeks to gain a little more perspective (and sleep), Marcus is sharing some of his insights. Thanks Marcus!



Marcus, New York City


Tam: What was it about your dating life that led you to doing something so dramatically different?

Marcus: I've been single for 33 years. Obviously, something hasn't been working for me. I saw how this sort of endurance dating was affecting others so I gave it a shot.

What made the idea of a "dating project" seem interesting to you?
It seemed like a good opportunity to learn and to mix up my dating life.  Besides, the idea of immersing myself in dating was something that I've never done before.

What were you hoping to get from your dating project experience?
A girlfriend?!? (insert laugh here) That would have been nice and I guess it still could happen, but really it was to learn about dating, to get over some fears, and to figure what I need to change in order to get into and be in a good relationship. 

How did you manage to find so many people to go out with you?
This was the easy part.  First I let the world know what I was doing it through Facebook, then I emailed some trusted friends for suggestions, made a list of women I knew that I wanted to ask out anyway, and went to it.  This was much easier than I thought it would be and with a little more planning I think I could have done more than I did.

Does that mean you'll do it again??
No. It was a lot of fun and was really a great experience, but I feel fairly confident that I got out of this what I needed

In what ways did your dating project seem different from your dating life previously? How did you deal with those differences?
This project was an excuse to ask women out, which I sort of appreciated. I was hoping that the perception would be that going out on a date with me during this wasn't a big deal, since I was also going out with so many other women. However, I was also concerned that I wouldn't be taken seriously. Eventually I realized that these were silly excuses and before too long it felt easier to date since I was doing it all the time and I got into a habit of finding of coordinating something just about everyday.
What was the most memorable part of your project?
Probably when I realized that it was all coming together. I was worried that I would miss my goal, especially since I didn't have many dates the first week. About a week before it was over though I finally had all of my dates lined up. It was at that point that I realized how important this project had become to me because I had proven my commitment to making my goal happen to myself.

Do you foresee this project changing the way you'll date?
Yes. I have renewed and strengthened sense of what's important to me and I won't let anything stand in my way.

What else did you learn?
The most important lesson I learned is what's really important to me and that there will always be excuses to keep you from dating, if you let them, something I've been guilty of for too long. While things like rejection, time constraints, confusion about how women think, finding women to date, or even issues with my own self confidence are very real, I refuse to let these or any other excuses keep me from dating, relationships, and eventually marriage.
Something I quickly discovered through all of this is that I would always rather be going out on dates than "hanging out." This was proven to me in a very real way about week after my challenge was formally over when I found myself renting a car and driving to Delaware (a 2.5 hour drive) to go on a date over hanging out with some friends. While I feel very lucky to have the friends I have, the date was completely worth it and was a much better way to spend my evening.
As part of all this I learned that hanging out is fine, but it pales in comparison to dating. While dating certainly requires a lot more of both people (emotionally, mentally, and otherwise), it's so much more fun and is far more rewarding. I wish that more singles would realize that, or if they do, that they would be daring enough to promote dating over hanging out or figure out what it takes to promote dating (that goes for both men and women).
Going forward, this is going to be hard for me personally, as it means I will be consciously withdrawing from social activities that in the past I would have attended. However, I believe very strongly that "if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got."
Marcus, thank you for taking the challenge and for taking the time to reflect on your experience and respond to all my nosy questions. I'll be checking in with you (as I'm sure everyone else will be just as curious about you in the future!).

As a reminder, the E-BOOK version of 31 DATES IN 31 DAYS will be released next week on Sunday, November 20th. Do you know anyone who could kick off its release with a dating challenge like Marcus did? Let me know!

Much love to you!
-Tam

"I Survived Dating Boot Camp" -Marcus, NYC

For the last month, a bunch of singles have been helping me celebrate the release of my book by signing up for my dating challenge. They've taken on their own mini version of my 31 Dates in 31 Days and signed up for "Dating Boot Camp."

Among them is a handful of brave daters who've kept notes and are now sharing their stories. First up is Marcus from New York City, who turned 33 in October and filled his month full of dates to celebrate. He went on 15 dates in three weeks. And he had some fun - despite being tired! Such a champ!

Here are some snippets from his notes along the way.
Good job Marcus!


October 4, 2011

Marcus, NYC

I just got back from my first date. I really enjoyed her company but something I noticed tonight was some anxiety on my part. I’ve been specifically working on dealing with it in a healthy way. I was with a friend and I had nothing to be anxious about. Still, I felt anxious at a couple of specific times tonight. She wasn’t intimidating me, she’s one of the kindest people I know. But something triggered the anxiety. As soon as I was conscious of it I was able to let it go and I became more comfortable. I wonder if she noticed it. I wonder where this is coming from.

October 9, 2011

I had a great date tonight.

October 11, 2011

Tonight was great because it was proof to me that I’m learning how to let go of all of my anxieties and all of my troubles; I’m just learning how to be me.

October 13, 2011

This is fun, but a little tiring.

October 17, 2011
I had a great date tonight.


October 19, 2011
I felt very comfortable with her, though I felt bad being so tired.


October 21, 2011
Through all of this though I’m learning to be more at ease with myself, which in turn is helping my dates to feel more at ease. I’m learning how to be more on my A game, even when I’m tired.


October 22, 2011
Some of the lessons that I’ve been considering in all of this is how dangerous hanging out can be. I’ve known this for a while but still it has come back to me with renewed force. Being on a date (even if it’s just a single, first date) is a much better and much more fulfilling way to interact with women. While it requires more of both individuals the payoff is far greater. ...In addition I’ve also become more comfortable dating. Just going on a lot of dates makes it simple and takes away a lot of the anxiety that I’ve experienced in the past. That in turn makes it more comfortable for her as well. Life is good.


October 24, 2011
I had a great time tonight and I wish I knew what to say at this point but I’m so excited to be done that I can’t really think of anything to say. For now, it’s time for bed. I think for me this project has been like mountain biking. It was a mad rush and sure was a lot of fun, even if it was a little tiring. Still, I want more.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Marcus!
Tomorrow I'll share my interview with Marcus where he shares his reactions to the project now that he's had time to reflect - and sleep!

Taking a Chance on the Dancefloor

A lot of people have been talking to me lately about how scary dating can be. And I totally agree! Dating differently takes a lot of courage. Can you imagine how scared I was thinking I'd actually pull of 31 Dates in 31 Days??
I was scared of putting myself "out there" for the world to judge. And I was really scared I'd put myself out there and then get zero dates. Quelle horreur!
Here's the thing -- maybe you're not into going out on 31 Dates. So what about starting with ONE? Could you challenge yourself to just one date that would be a little different than you've had before?

When I worked at Good Morning America, I was always assigned to produce the Dancing With the Stars segments. Every week there's a segment with the stars who were cut from the dance show the night before. (I called it being assigned to the "Booted Beat.") The celebrities were such troupers having to get up so early on the west coast to be on the show and talk about their embarrassing moments on the dancefloor throughout the season.

I haven't been wathching "Dancing With the Stars" this season, but I did catch a glimpse of an interview with Carson Kressley on Good Morning America the other day after he got kicked off DWTS. I love Carson. He's always so positive and somehow manages to be randomly funny. When I interviewed him years ago he told me, "You should start pronouncing your name like Tomorrow and go work for the Today Show." Clever!
One thing I loved about Carson's interview this week was the way he talked about taking risks. He discusses it throughout, but his most poignant moments are in the very beginning of the video.

The Dating Challenge: Lessons Learned (so far)

A couple dozen singles around the country are currently taking the 31 Dates Dating Challenge, and so far, they've had lots of questions, a few snags, and have learned a bunch of lessons.
Among those taking notes is Aubrey from Portland, Oregon. She has a Facebook group she started for her "ABC Dating Challenge." Basically Aubrey's using letters of the alphabet to inspire her date activity. For instance, for her "H" date she went to a Haunted House and ate at Honeybaked Ham. She hopes to go out on three dates a week and wants to meet new friends and learn something about herself.

Aubrey from Portland, Oregon

What I really love is how much Aubrey is learning so far. She's getting more brave when it comes to asking guys out. She's getting more comfortable stepping out of her comfort zone. And she seems to be having fun even when it seems challenging.

Question from Aubrey's friend: Are you finding it hard to ask guys out or is it okay?

Aubrey's answer: It's definitely scary, but I'm trying to get outside of my comfort zone. It helps that it is part of a challenge so the guys understand that I'm not coming on to them. I have to screw up my courage and just do it without thinking too much about it. Our culture has made dating so unnecessarily intense, that not much casual dating goes on anymore. And without casual dating, less relationships occur. I'm trying to help myself and others see that dates can be fun and casual and not just serious and loaded with deep meaning.

She's had so much success that she almost has all of her dates lined up. In fact, she convinced four guys in just one day. Good work Aubrey! Keep it up!

Getting Stood Up

One of the lucky singles participating in my nationwide dating challenge got stood up a few nights ago.

What does one normally do when stood up? There are a few options, of course. The first including crying over mint chip ice cream while watching a chick flick alone in pajamas. Admittedly, that's likely what I would have leaned toward before embarking 31 Dates in 31 Days.
There's always going out alone. Or grabbing your friends. Or grabbing a stranger down the street. Sulking is typically necessary for any of these.
My friend, the dater launching into a world of new dating habits, decided to look at things differently and receive anonymous rejection gracefully. She'd planned the date and the dud didn't even call or try to reach out. At 8pm on a Friday night, she found herself contacting their mutual friend to learn that he wasn't coming. So our dater shrugged her shoulders and figured she might hang out with some girlfriends instead. By 10:00 she had a new dude lined up. They went out and she had a blast, determined to remember that dating is more about having good experiences with people than it is about instant heartbreak over someone you don't even know.

As for the mystery man who stood her up, I have to wonder what held him back from a few hours out with a new girl. Was he that nervous to meet someone new? Did something come up? Or maybe he was in jail?? A likely option -- at least in Hollywood!

So Much Love in the PNW

After landing back in Los Angeles from a whirlwind trip in the Pacific Northwest, I've been napping and recovering from a cold. I must have had so much fun up there that it wore me out!
Throughout my few days in Seattle, Portland, and the surrounding areas, I met with over a couple hundred people with great stories and questions about love -- from singles, newlyweds, newly divorced, and those who are readily willing to share their secrets to their long-lasting marriages. Let me tell you, there's a lot of love up there!

As we're now steeped in October (where did this year go?), many singles across the country are taking part in my nationwide dating challenge. (Have you signed up yet??)


Look how cute Laura is! Know any Seattle guys for her project?

One of those lovely ladies is Laura, Seattle photographer and artist extraordinaire. She contacted me nearly three years ago when I first did my 31 Dates in 31 Days project. And now, she's taking the challenge and going out on ten first dates in Seattle. Know anyone who wants to be one of those dates? Contact me and I'll pass them along. OR, just check out Laura's blog, where she's keeping notes on her project.

Laura and I met up for lunch while I was in Seattle before her project and my book tour kicked off. We were both nervous about our upcoming adventures. By why wouldn't it be? Jumping into something new can be really scary - AND worth the risk. She was looking for something different in her dating life and thought this project was for her. 

When we met up, she said she could totally relate to some of the feelings I'd had throughout my book: questioning myself, wondering what I was doing wrong, hoping I could change my dating habits. I'm so excited for Laura to take on this challenge!

Laura sent me a text from Date #1 the other night, and it went really well! I can't wait to hear the reports from dates 2-10!

Dating Boot Camp - NOW in Session!

October is HERE! And that means lots of people are already kicking off their own dating projects around the country. I've already received a few preliminary reports, and it sounds like - in the midst of nervousness and typical first date jitters - our daters are managing to have FUN!

Are you up for the challenge too? Ready to take on a few more first dates than you're used to? Email me at 31datesin31days.com and I'll help get you started.

Also...

TONIGHT: 31 DATES IN 31 DAYS Book Launch Mixer and Celebration
Cupcake Royale, 1111 E. Pike Street, Seattle 7:00-8:30pm
Come have a cupcake, share some dating stories, meet new singles, buy a book (on sale from Elliott Bay Books for $15), and get your book signed! Invite friends. Or strangers!

Also today: 3:50pm, I chat with my good friend and top-notch sports journalist John Canzano on "The Bald Faced Truth" radio show on 750-AM The Game in Portland. Tune in!

This Week's Galley Giveaway WINNERS!

Congrats to the winners of this week's Dating Challenge giveaway! These people have shown their interest in the October nationwide dating challenge and braving Dating Boot Camp (with me helping them along the way, of course. I couldn't leave them in the lurch like that!).

I couldn't help myself, so instead of giving just five copies away, I dug up a couple more. So here are our SEVEN winners!

Joy Crossman - Las Vegas

Andrea Greenwich - Washington, DC

Laura Taylor - Seattle

Marcus Bowers - New York City

Grace Hu - Los Angeles

Aubrey Poole - Portland, Oregon

Angie Green - Salt Lake City

Congrats brave winners!!! Happy National Singles Week!

You'll all hear more from them and others taking part in the challenge over the next few weeks. Help support their projects! Know any single guys or gals interested? Considering the challenge too? Click here or on the "Take the Challenge" tab here on the website. Or just shoot me an email at 31datesin31days@gmail.com and I'll help you get started.

Our first winner!

In celebration of National Singles Week, I'm giving away a FREE galley copy (an un-proofed version) of my book, 31 Dates in 31 Days.

Congratulations to the first winner:
      
        Joy Crossman!!!!

Joy signed up for October's nationwide dating challenge, which put her in the running for one of this week's giveaways. Congrats Joy! I'm excited for you!

There are four more days left for this week's giveaway. Here's a quick reminder of how to get yours!

           *Sign up for October's nationwide Dating Boot Camp challenge      
                   Just email 31datesin31days@gmail.com with the subject line "sign me up!"
           *Each day during National Singles Week one person will be randomly chosen as a galley winner
           *Everyone who signs up for the challenge will get a FREE copy of my
                    31 Dates in 31 Days "Dating Boot Camp" Starter Kit. It'll help you organize your
                    October project, answer some of your questions, find dates, and will keep you focused.
             *During October, I'll update this site with insights from some people taking the challenge. So be
                    prepared for me to check up on you!


Not interested in the challege but still want the book? You can buy it now online - two weeks earlier than it'll arrive in your bookstore.