I don't typically chat about politics in an open forum, and I still don't intend to do so. But there is one topic that recently made me wonder, "Can that work?"
In the midst of all the political fodder, one thing that's come up in the news lately is Newt Gingrich's alleged suggestion having an "open" marriage with his wife. Do they really work? Or is asking your wife for an open marriage the first step toward divorce? In Newt's case, apparently, yes. Part of me feels like the desire for an open marriage is akin to a girlfriend asking if we can "see other people."
Aside from that, here's Jon Stewart's take on Newt's marriages, which I found funny.
TAMARA DURICKA JOHNSON ~ Author ~ Speaker ~ Journalist ~ Coach
Showing posts with label Love and Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love and Dating. Show all posts
January 25, 2012
January 15, 2012
When it Comes to Weddings, January is the New Black [Friday]
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| "Brides" January 2012 cover |
The website WeddingWire says that its web traffic more than doubles between January and February. The Monday following New Year's Day always sees a surge in new membership for the site, and they say that's because one-third of all engagements are announced between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
January is the month when lots of women get distracted at work by the sparkle of their new rings. They spend less time on work and Facebook and opt for more time on The Knot checking off items on their "to do" lists and watching the countdown tick: Only 252 more days to your wedding! Some of them get so dizzied by the planning, checklists, and constant address requesting that they become future Bridezillas without noticing.
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| January 16, 2010 |
In all its craziness and fun, wedding planning moves to the forefront from January to March. That's when you'll hear local commercials buzz for big wedding expos coming to your convention center. Wedding planners, bridal gown retailers, and cake stores are ready for the rush of requests. After all, American weddings didn't become a $70 billion industry without preparation and fortitude.
As for me, January is my anniversary month. To be more specific, this is my anniversary weekend.
Three years ago I embarked on my 31 Dates in 31 Days project.
Exactly one year later, I married the best man ever. But you can still call him Date #31 if you want.
So while my friends are flipping through their magazines and creating ideas for the best wedding EVER, we're away celebrating the fact that we don't need to plan all that wedding craziness anymore.
sources
December 31, 2011
Love in 2012
Who really understands the words to Auld Lang Syne? We hear it every year when the ball drops at midnight, and all I can think about is this moment in "When Harry Met Sally."
Here are the original old Scottish words from Robert Burns and their translation into modern English:
So yes, as Sally says -- "It's about old friends."
Happy new year to you, friend.
In 2012, I resolve to be even more loving to friends and family. What about you? What are your resolutions? Do any of them involve dating? Maybe taking on a dating challenge?? Or buying a copy of your future favorite love story? May 2012 be filled with lots of love - and 31 dates!
Here are the original old Scottish words from Robert Burns and their translation into modern English:
Happy new year to you, friend.
In 2012, I resolve to be even more loving to friends and family. What about you? What are your resolutions? Do any of them involve dating? Maybe taking on a dating challenge?? Or buying a copy of your future favorite love story? May 2012 be filled with lots of love - and 31 dates!
December 30, 2011
Five Ways Your Hormones Trick You In Love
20/20 post-breakup hindsight usually makes me feel embarrassed about many of the decisions I made during my relationships. I fell for some guys even though I knew they were bad for me. And then I'd long for them when they were gone. And sometimes I'd even feel out of control.
For instance, I had a horribly painful breakup in college. We'd had one of those passionate relationships filled with life-altering dramas and figured our love would conquer all. In my 18-year-old mind, I had won the lottery in love. He was a handsome boy who I remember thinking was particularly unlikeable when we first met, but somehow he'd won me over. He sang beautifully. He wooed me. I loved his family. We'd considered ourselves engaged to one another and even opened a bank account to save money for a ring.
During the Summer, we regularly drove the five-hour return trip to see each other. One day I was nearly to his house when I stopped at a payphone (remember those?). He told me not to come anymore.
"Who is she?" I demanded.
So here was one of those moments when you say something and you wonder whose voice was talking or where the words were coming from. Because I'd never suspected before that my boyfriend was a cheater. He was a scoundrel in many, many other ways, but until that moment, I never thought he'd cheat. I figured those words were somehow given to me by providence, so I pursued them.
"WHO IS SHE?" I yelled, not caring if any of the passersby heard me or saw my frantic, tantrum-having state.
He was silent for a moment and I held my breath for his answer.
"Her name is Kristen."
I stood there in paralytic shock, unsure of what had happened. I hung up the phone and drove back home, two hours wailing through blurry tears. I'd eventually learn that my providential insight was right - that dude was apparently a major cheater the whole time we were together.
The next morning I even had my wisdom teeth removed. I remember laying on that doctor's table with dry tears in the corner of my puffy eyes. They put a huge piece of plastic in my mouth, forcing my mouth open before giving me an anesthetic and asked how I was. With a forced, widened jaw I drifted into teeth-removing medically-induced sleep uttering words no one understood, "My fiance just broke up with me."
The next while was lonely and pathetic. Picture me alone in my pink flannel pajamas after getting my wisdom teeth removed, refusing to take the pain pills because I figured I was dying of a broken heart. And then multiply that by a few weeks. Not a pretty sight. When my stitches healed, I got into my car and drove the two hours to his parents' house. It was one of those moments when I had lost a lot of weight from my non-eating and figured I'd get in a cute dress, look hot, and try to win my boyfriend back. The whole drive, I kept rehearsing my address to him. I kept debating whether I was doing the right thing. And I wondered what Kristen looked like.
No one was home.
I sat outside the driveway for a few hours. If he'd arrive, I'd just tell him that I just got there a few minutes ago. "What a coincidence" that we'd be there at the same time. I could tell him I was on my way somewhere south of him and they happened to be on the way. Instead I chose to write a note and paste it on the door:
Just stopped by to say, "Hi."
And then I drove home.
It was basically the worst breakup of my life. Okay, so those are words people throw around, but in reality, that was the trigger that led me to near-suicide in just a few weeks and kind of messed me up for a long time.
I tend to think my painful, passionate breakup isn't so uncommon. Like many relationships, my emotions, my loneliness, or my depression would rule my heart and my actions. And thus, would lead to lots and lots of mistakes.
Recently I ran across this article, called "The Stupid Things You Do When Dating (and How to Fix Them)." The article basically talks about how our hormones and emotions will play tricks on us, making us thinkwe love someone more than we probably really do. Or we push ourselves into relationships that might not be best for us. So, in the spirit of the "end of 2011 countdowns," I give you their top five stupid mistakes that we make based on how our hormones mislead our hearts:
#5. You believe the opposite sex should always understand what you're saying
#4. You choose the partner you're most likely to lose rather than the best one
#3. You try to hide the physical features you consider unattractive
#2. Wearing cologne, perfume, and body sprays inhibit others from finding you attractive
#1. You confuse heightened emotions for physical attraction
I love their "number one." It makes me think of those reality love shows and how people think they're in love in the end but really they're probably just sharing an intense experience that no one else understands and they confuse it for love.
In fact, after I did my 31 Dates in 31 Days and eventually became engaged to Date #31, I'm pretty sure people thought the same of me. They thought, "this chick is just hooking up with this dude because it's a pretty little ending to her story." There was even one time when I was on Oprah Radio and was asked, "What do you say to critics?"
Okay, so that is a CLASSIC ploy that those of us who regularly interview people use. It's basically the person saying, "I think you're full of crap, but that's not nice to say, so I'll pretend other people are thinking it."
Remember when Tom Cruise jumped on the couch proclaiming his love for Katie Holmes? All of us shook our heads and thought, "CuhRAZY." The next morning Matt Lauer asks, "What do you say to your critics who think, 'This guy is NUTS'?"
I loved having someone else pull that ploy on me.
Although now that I type that out, I do realize that I just compared myself to Tom Cruise on the Crazy Train.
And in further end of the year celebration, here's your New Year's Eve love song of the day, courtesy of Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Now I want to go watch "500 Days of Summer." Such a great movie - unless you're dealing with a recent broken heart and sitting in your pink flannel pajamas...
Happy New Year!
For instance, I had a horribly painful breakup in college. We'd had one of those passionate relationships filled with life-altering dramas and figured our love would conquer all. In my 18-year-old mind, I had won the lottery in love. He was a handsome boy who I remember thinking was particularly unlikeable when we first met, but somehow he'd won me over. He sang beautifully. He wooed me. I loved his family. We'd considered ourselves engaged to one another and even opened a bank account to save money for a ring.
During the Summer, we regularly drove the five-hour return trip to see each other. One day I was nearly to his house when I stopped at a payphone (remember those?). He told me not to come anymore.
"Who is she?" I demanded.
So here was one of those moments when you say something and you wonder whose voice was talking or where the words were coming from. Because I'd never suspected before that my boyfriend was a cheater. He was a scoundrel in many, many other ways, but until that moment, I never thought he'd cheat. I figured those words were somehow given to me by providence, so I pursued them.
"WHO IS SHE?" I yelled, not caring if any of the passersby heard me or saw my frantic, tantrum-having state.
He was silent for a moment and I held my breath for his answer.
"Her name is Kristen."
I stood there in paralytic shock, unsure of what had happened. I hung up the phone and drove back home, two hours wailing through blurry tears. I'd eventually learn that my providential insight was right - that dude was apparently a major cheater the whole time we were together.
The next morning I even had my wisdom teeth removed. I remember laying on that doctor's table with dry tears in the corner of my puffy eyes. They put a huge piece of plastic in my mouth, forcing my mouth open before giving me an anesthetic and asked how I was. With a forced, widened jaw I drifted into teeth-removing medically-induced sleep uttering words no one understood, "My fiance just broke up with me."
The next while was lonely and pathetic. Picture me alone in my pink flannel pajamas after getting my wisdom teeth removed, refusing to take the pain pills because I figured I was dying of a broken heart. And then multiply that by a few weeks. Not a pretty sight. When my stitches healed, I got into my car and drove the two hours to his parents' house. It was one of those moments when I had lost a lot of weight from my non-eating and figured I'd get in a cute dress, look hot, and try to win my boyfriend back. The whole drive, I kept rehearsing my address to him. I kept debating whether I was doing the right thing. And I wondered what Kristen looked like.
No one was home.
I sat outside the driveway for a few hours. If he'd arrive, I'd just tell him that I just got there a few minutes ago. "What a coincidence" that we'd be there at the same time. I could tell him I was on my way somewhere south of him and they happened to be on the way. Instead I chose to write a note and paste it on the door:
Just stopped by to say, "Hi."
And then I drove home.
It was basically the worst breakup of my life. Okay, so those are words people throw around, but in reality, that was the trigger that led me to near-suicide in just a few weeks and kind of messed me up for a long time.
I tend to think my painful, passionate breakup isn't so uncommon. Like many relationships, my emotions, my loneliness, or my depression would rule my heart and my actions. And thus, would lead to lots and lots of mistakes.
Recently I ran across this article, called "The Stupid Things You Do When Dating (and How to Fix Them)." The article basically talks about how our hormones and emotions will play tricks on us, making us thinkwe love someone more than we probably really do. Or we push ourselves into relationships that might not be best for us. So, in the spirit of the "end of 2011 countdowns," I give you their top five stupid mistakes that we make based on how our hormones mislead our hearts:
#5. You believe the opposite sex should always understand what you're saying
#4. You choose the partner you're most likely to lose rather than the best one
#3. You try to hide the physical features you consider unattractive
#2. Wearing cologne, perfume, and body sprays inhibit others from finding you attractive
#1. You confuse heightened emotions for physical attraction
I love their "number one." It makes me think of those reality love shows and how people think they're in love in the end but really they're probably just sharing an intense experience that no one else understands and they confuse it for love.
In fact, after I did my 31 Dates in 31 Days and eventually became engaged to Date #31, I'm pretty sure people thought the same of me. They thought, "this chick is just hooking up with this dude because it's a pretty little ending to her story." There was even one time when I was on Oprah Radio and was asked, "What do you say to critics?"
Remember when Tom Cruise jumped on the couch proclaiming his love for Katie Holmes? All of us shook our heads and thought, "CuhRAZY." The next morning Matt Lauer asks, "What do you say to your critics who think, 'This guy is NUTS'?"
I loved having someone else pull that ploy on me.
Although now that I type that out, I do realize that I just compared myself to Tom Cruise on the Crazy Train.
And in further end of the year celebration, here's your New Year's Eve love song of the day, courtesy of Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Now I want to go watch "500 Days of Summer." Such a great movie - unless you're dealing with a recent broken heart and sitting in your pink flannel pajamas...
Happy New Year!
December 29, 2011
2012 Resolution: Date More
A few days ago one of my email accounts was hacked. Not so merry a Christmas present for me - and the hundreds of friends who received spam from my account. (Apparently I was spreading email viruses like I wanted to spread Christmas cheer.)
It did give me an excuse to send apologies to all my friends and wish them a merry forthcoming 2012 filled with lots of dates. This is the response I received from my friend, Sara:
I just had a date this evening, in fact. Finishing off 2011 just how I want to begin 2012. :)
Exactly what I hope for all of us.
May your 2012 be filled with 31 Dates!
It did give me an excuse to send apologies to all my friends and wish them a merry forthcoming 2012 filled with lots of dates. This is the response I received from my friend, Sara:
I just had a date this evening, in fact. Finishing off 2011 just how I want to begin 2012. :)
Exactly what I hope for all of us.
May your 2012 be filled with 31 Dates!
December 28, 2011
Keeping Up With Cupid
What is it about celebrity breakups and make-ups that piques so much interest? I keep wondering how Kim Kardashian became famous for doing nothing and now she's even more famous for her insta-marriage. And there's something that makes the "Bennifers" and "Brangelinas" seem like they're somewhat super-human. People will wonder, "What's it like to be famous and in love with someone so beautiful?"
I'm usually not starstruck. In fact, I'd been at my last job for three years before my life-long best friend found out exactly what I did for a living. She yelled at me from the other end of the phone while clutching her beloved People magazine. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU INTERVIEW FAMOUS PEOPLE???"
Recently I was interviewed for a website, called "Cupid's Pulse." On the site you can find lots of details about celebrity couples but they also dabble into those extra tidbits of information about love and dating that we all crave. Here's the interview they did with me. Cruise their site -- and make sure you check out their weekend date ideas. Then help me track down a good discount for it!
image source
I'm usually not starstruck. In fact, I'd been at my last job for three years before my life-long best friend found out exactly what I did for a living. She yelled at me from the other end of the phone while clutching her beloved People magazine. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU INTERVIEW FAMOUS PEOPLE???"
 |
| Don Cheadle |
During my interviews, my favorite questions were always about their personal relationships. But I wasn't interested in the standard gossip. Instead, I always wondered, "How did you meet? And how has your relationship remained strong in the limelight? How have you and your partner lasted so long?"
My favorite response came from Don Cheadle, who's been with his partner Brigid since 1997. "Neither of us wants to leave at the same time."Recently I was interviewed for a website, called "Cupid's Pulse." On the site you can find lots of details about celebrity couples but they also dabble into those extra tidbits of information about love and dating that we all crave. Here's the interview they did with me. Cruise their site -- and make sure you check out their weekend date ideas. Then help me track down a good discount for it!
image source
December 19, 2011
Ten Pre-Marriage Tips
After nearly 20 years of marriage, Ann Smith, Executive Director of Breakthrough at Caron, is sharing 10 tips for those people who are considering marriage. I'm curious what you think about her suggestions, especially point number THREE.
Here are her 10 points to review before marriage (and a link for further explanation):
1. Know yourself and your pattern in relationships.
2. Listen carefully to what your new partner says in the first hours and days after meeting.
3. Ignore the fact that you have chemistry.
4. Ask yourself if you could live with this individual exactly as they are today even on their worst days, for the rest of your life.
5. After a few months have passed, notice how you feel about yourself when you are with your partner.
6. Be honest about what this person does not have that you had hoped for in a long term mate.
7. Observe your partner's capacity for love in the rest of his/her life. Also observe your own.
8. Know what your goals and dreams are and commit to keeping them and taking responsibility for your own fulfillment.
9. Get input from those who know you and listen to their feedback.
10. No matter how confident and secure you are in your life as it is, prepare yourself for change.
Here are her 10 points to review before marriage (and a link for further explanation):
1. Know yourself and your pattern in relationships.
2. Listen carefully to what your new partner says in the first hours and days after meeting.
3. Ignore the fact that you have chemistry.
4. Ask yourself if you could live with this individual exactly as they are today even on their worst days, for the rest of your life.
5. After a few months have passed, notice how you feel about yourself when you are with your partner.
6. Be honest about what this person does not have that you had hoped for in a long term mate.
7. Observe your partner's capacity for love in the rest of his/her life. Also observe your own.
8. Know what your goals and dreams are and commit to keeping them and taking responsibility for your own fulfillment.
9. Get input from those who know you and listen to their feedback.
10. No matter how confident and secure you are in your life as it is, prepare yourself for change.
December 8, 2011
Can Men and Women Be Friends?
Filmmakers Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero think they've found the answer to that tricky question: Can men and women be friends?
Today I'm asking you: Can men and women be friends? I have a poll posted on the blogsite, so please weigh in. If you're in the mood to comment, let me know why you think men and women can or can't be friends.
And if you can't come up with any good reasons for your answer, maybe this will help...
Today I'm asking you: Can men and women be friends? I have a poll posted on the blogsite, so please weigh in. If you're in the mood to comment, let me know why you think men and women can or can't be friends.
And if you can't come up with any good reasons for your answer, maybe this will help...
December 3, 2011
New Dating Site Features Most Eligible Singles One Day at a Time
A new dating site (launching in New York City now before kicking off around the rest of the world) operates a little like those fancy dance cards but with a mediator to tell the bozos wanting dances, "Sorry, her dance card is full." The site is called Black Book 365 and is the brainchild of some savvy overachievers who wanted to weed out the non-committal duds they found on most other dating sites. No instant messaging. No constant barrage of emails from guys who ask "Can I see your picture?" Instead, this site has a matchmaking crew to help whittle the list of interested people for you.
So here's how it works: Every day, Black Book 365 will feature one of the city's most eligible bachelors along with one of its most desireable bachelorettes. Each of the featured singles pays for their day in the spotlight which includes an interview session with the website matchmakers and a professional photo shoot. Then, anyone who's signed up for the site with their own (free) profile can show their interest in going out on a first date with that person by submitting a "calling card" (which sounds kind of like a hidden "like" button that only the system administrators can see). Then the matchmakers take a look at all the people who "liked" the featured man or woman of the day and narrow the list to 25 of the top matches.
The site just kicked off a couple weeks ago in New York. It will arrive in 25 more cities around the world within the next year.
What do you think? Does this sound like something you'd be interested in doing?
December 2, 2011
Silence is the Golden Years
A couple weeks ago I heard an interesting study that asked, "Who knows their partner better? Someone who's been coupled for five years? Or fifty years?"
Apparently, silence is golden in the Golden Years.
Another study from the UK says that a couple married for 50 years will chat for only THREE MINUTES during an entire hour-long dinner. That means 57 minutes of silence while mushing on the early-bird special. Married with little kids? Those parents only chat 10 minutes during dinner. And those Brits who seem to get to know each other best are those who seem to be the most chatty.
A) A blow out party of the century or a low key affair with closest friends.
B) A casual outdoor soiree or a catered gourmet extravaganza.
C) What music would be your partner’s preference, a DJ or live band?
2. If you were to choose your partner’s career, what would they rather be?
A) Nine to five desk job with little or no responsibility.
B) A Creative role in a ground-breaking industry
C) A management role where they can exercise their leadership skills.
3. It’s your partner’s birthday, what gift would they love to receive?
A) Tickets to a sporting event or concert.
B) A shopping spree at their favorite store
C) The latest and greatest electronic gadget.
4. You are in charge of planning your sweetheart’s dream vacation. You plan…
A) A relaxing island getaway with plenty of little umbrella drinks
B) An extreme sports adventure chock full of adrenaline
C) A historical city tour complete with walking guide and map
5. It’s movie night and your lover put you in charge of choosing a movie. You choose…
A) An action flick…explosions and fight scenes rule!
B) Romantic comedy…hint hint
C) Scary…you like an excuse to cuddle up
6. Although it may be early, you begin to make retirement plans. Your partner would…
A) Back pack around Europe for the next year
B) Watch TV for the rest of their life
C) Volunteer or take up a new hobby together
7. If your partner went back to school, what would they study?
A) History or sociology
B) Mathematics or accounting
C) Science and technology
8. You surprise your lover with a new dog. You bring them home a…
A) A teacup pup….the yappier the better
B) A giant couch potato
C) A workout buddy
9. If your partner won the lottery, they would…
A) Blow it all on expensive toys
B) Invest it wisely and continue to work
C) Splurge a bit and pay off some bills
10. What romantic gesture would your partner most appreciate?
A) Sunset walk on the beach with your favorite bottle
B) A love letter, poem, or card
C) Arrange to do their favorite, but your least favorite activity
HOW MANY DID YOU GET CORRECT? Share your answer on the blogpoll!
photo source: 1
quiz source
 |
| yummmm |
According to the study, those who'd been together for just a little while were better at predicting their partner's likes and dislikes. The study suggested that couples who'd been together for many years didn't pay much attention to their partner's changing interests. As I started to think about it, it made sense. After all, these days of early marital bliss are spent solely with one another - without kids. I know that my husband usually hates olives, but in the last few months, he's started to like them a little. (Thank goodness!) And he knows that I prefer Sprite over 7-Up and Fresca. But that's not just because we pay attention to each other, we also talk about it.
Another study from the UK says that a couple married for 50 years will chat for only THREE MINUTES during an entire hour-long dinner. That means 57 minutes of silence while mushing on the early-bird special. Married with little kids? Those parents only chat 10 minutes during dinner. And those Brits who seem to get to know each other best are those who seem to be the most chatty.
But guess what, Americans? Studies have shown that our couples talk to each other even LESS OFTEN than that. On average, married American couples with kids only talk to each other for around 15 minutes a DAY. Other experts think the conversation time is even less, with only 15 minutes of real talk a WEEK. Yowza!
So today the New York Daily News offered some solutions and some ideas to "get to know your mate" a bit better. My favorite is this quiz below that they created. How well would you and your partner answer?
1. If you were planning a surprise party for them, what would you organize?
A) A blow out party of the century or a low key affair with closest friends.
B) A casual outdoor soiree or a catered gourmet extravaganza.
C) What music would be your partner’s preference, a DJ or live band?
2. If you were to choose your partner’s career, what would they rather be?
A) Nine to five desk job with little or no responsibility.
B) A Creative role in a ground-breaking industry
C) A management role where they can exercise their leadership skills.
3. It’s your partner’s birthday, what gift would they love to receive?
A) Tickets to a sporting event or concert.
B) A shopping spree at their favorite store
C) The latest and greatest electronic gadget.
4. You are in charge of planning your sweetheart’s dream vacation. You plan…
A) A relaxing island getaway with plenty of little umbrella drinks
B) An extreme sports adventure chock full of adrenaline
C) A historical city tour complete with walking guide and map
5. It’s movie night and your lover put you in charge of choosing a movie. You choose…
A) An action flick…explosions and fight scenes rule!
B) Romantic comedy…hint hint
C) Scary…you like an excuse to cuddle up
6. Although it may be early, you begin to make retirement plans. Your partner would…
A) Back pack around Europe for the next year
B) Watch TV for the rest of their life
C) Volunteer or take up a new hobby together
7. If your partner went back to school, what would they study?
A) History or sociology
B) Mathematics or accounting
C) Science and technology
8. You surprise your lover with a new dog. You bring them home a…
A) A teacup pup….the yappier the better
B) A giant couch potato
C) A workout buddy
9. If your partner won the lottery, they would…
A) Blow it all on expensive toys
B) Invest it wisely and continue to work
C) Splurge a bit and pay off some bills
10. What romantic gesture would your partner most appreciate?
A) Sunset walk on the beach with your favorite bottle
B) A love letter, poem, or card
C) Arrange to do their favorite, but your least favorite activity
HOW MANY DID YOU GET CORRECT? Share your answer on the blogpoll!
photo source: 1
quiz source
November 30, 2011
"Holi-Dating"
Okay, I can't take credit for the clever title. But it's cute, right?
You can thank Paddi Rice for the inspiration, who's the Matchmaker-in-Chief at Executive Search Dating in Vancouver, BC. She says, "The holiday season is THE 'perfect storm' of good tidings for local singles. Firstly, its peak season for parties of every shape and size; plus everyone is in a friendly mood and open to meeting new people."
Here are her Five Ways to Get a Date This Season:
1. More Santa less Scrooge: holi-dating success begins with a positive attitude. Be jolly, and practice saying 'Merry Christmas' to new people. It's the best approach line of the year!
2. Carve out some time for yourself: don't fill up your holiday calendar with just family and work events; make some time to attend events where you are likely to meet some NEW people too.
3. Join in all the reindeer games: Christmas parties tend to bring out a wider variety of singles than you might otherwise meet. Tag along to a friend's Christmas event and ask them to introduce you to some interesting and well connected people.
4. Be the Christmas party you wish to attend: invite some friends to your place, and ask them to bring some single friends... house parties are one of THE best ways to meet new people in Vancouver.
5. Meet in December, date in January: making new connections in December is fun, but trying to arrange a date can be challenging. Plan your first date in January, which will give you both something to be excited about after the holiday season is over.
Okay, and if all else fails and your year ends with a suckfest like mine did in 2008, just kick off the new year with a dating challenge! Still my best new year's resolution yet!
You can thank Paddi Rice for the inspiration, who's the Matchmaker-in-Chief at Executive Search Dating in Vancouver, BC. She says, "The holiday season is THE 'perfect storm' of good tidings for local singles. Firstly, its peak season for parties of every shape and size; plus everyone is in a friendly mood and open to meeting new people."
Here are her Five Ways to Get a Date This Season:
1. More Santa less Scrooge: holi-dating success begins with a positive attitude. Be jolly, and practice saying 'Merry Christmas' to new people. It's the best approach line of the year!
2. Carve out some time for yourself: don't fill up your holiday calendar with just family and work events; make some time to attend events where you are likely to meet some NEW people too.
3. Join in all the reindeer games: Christmas parties tend to bring out a wider variety of singles than you might otherwise meet. Tag along to a friend's Christmas event and ask them to introduce you to some interesting and well connected people.
4. Be the Christmas party you wish to attend: invite some friends to your place, and ask them to bring some single friends... house parties are one of THE best ways to meet new people in Vancouver.
5. Meet in December, date in January: making new connections in December is fun, but trying to arrange a date can be challenging. Plan your first date in January, which will give you both something to be excited about after the holiday season is over.
Okay, and if all else fails and your year ends with a suckfest like mine did in 2008, just kick off the new year with a dating challenge! Still my best new year's resolution yet!
November 29, 2011
Dating Tip? Wear RED
But it's not just men attracted to red, women love it too. Recently, a study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology said that, "...in the United States, England, Germany and China, women found men more appealing when they were either pictured wearing red or framed in red, compared with other colors."
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| Our wedding, January 2010 StyleMePretty.com |
Red has long been my favorite color. I love the rich, deep, warm scarlet tones. When I told my mother I would have gold tones with red as an accent color at my wedding she seemed confused. "Like at a Chinese wedding?"
Uh... not exactly. (You tell me. Did I hit the mark with this?)
Uh... not exactly. (You tell me. Did I hit the mark with this?)
Little did I know I was decorating my reception with the color that naturally triggers lust and love. I guess it makes sense, since we "paint the town red" during the most loving times of the year: Valentine's Day and Christmas.
So...
This holiday season, if you're looking for love, maybe you just need to add a little color to your wardrobe. Just like bulls and vampires, apparently humans are also naturally lured by the color red. Studies have shown that men and women have physioogical reactions to the color. So it could be worth a shot - when all else fails, wear red.
According to eFlirtExpert, "Psychological studies find that red is a stimulant for men, boosting arousal levels and their desire to chase." That makes sense. After all, red has long been the color of passion, power, seduction.
But it's not just men attracted to red, women love it too. Recently, a study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology said that, "...in the United States, England, Germany and China, women found men more appealing when they were either pictured wearing red or framed in red, compared with other colors."And that means guys can even don an Alvin and the Chipmunks t-shirt and look hotter. For real.
"Women in a follow-up study perceived men wearing red T-shirts to be significantly more likely to be high in status than men wearing blue T-shirts, in addition to the men in red seeming more generally and sexually attractive."
This is actually a natural attraction, particularly with primates. Red is typically found on the alpha male. And when female chimpanzees and orangutans are approaching ovulation, they appear a bit more blushed. So ladies, grab that Jessica Rabbit dress or sass up those lips. 'Tis the season of red, so go bold. And boys, get those Santa hats. After all, that guy gets love from all the ladies this season. You hear me?
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This is actually a natural attraction, particularly with primates. Red is typically found on the alpha male. And when female chimpanzees and orangutans are approaching ovulation, they appear a bit more blushed. So ladies, grab that Jessica Rabbit dress or sass up those lips. 'Tis the season of red, so go bold. And boys, get those Santa hats. After all, that guy gets love from all the ladies this season. You hear me?
November 1, 2011
Love Surprises
Today there's a great blurb in the Chicago Sun-Times about how different people surprisingly fell in love with their life partners.
The first story talks about a woman who was very fond of her high school boyfriend. They had lots in common, seemed like the best of friends, and he "looked good on paper." He's since twice-married and doesn't keep in touch. And while she's still fond of those memories, she's grateful she didn't end up with him. Instead she wound up with her husband, whom she adores. And I love the way she describes him:
He doesn’t look good on paper. He’s an atheist; I’m a cradle Catholic. He’s a redneck; I’m a Democrat. He’s a hunter; I hate guns. You get the picture. But we’ve been together for 16 years and have survived some major stresses and hurdles — parents dying, job losses, health issues. He’s a keeper and I love my Eagle Scout!
Sometimes love surprises you.
You can read the article here.
The first story talks about a woman who was very fond of her high school boyfriend. They had lots in common, seemed like the best of friends, and he "looked good on paper." He's since twice-married and doesn't keep in touch. And while she's still fond of those memories, she's grateful she didn't end up with him. Instead she wound up with her husband, whom she adores. And I love the way she describes him:
He doesn’t look good on paper. He’s an atheist; I’m a cradle Catholic. He’s a redneck; I’m a Democrat. He’s a hunter; I hate guns. You get the picture. But we’ve been together for 16 years and have survived some major stresses and hurdles — parents dying, job losses, health issues. He’s a keeper and I love my Eagle Scout!
Sometimes love surprises you.
You can read the article here.
October 21, 2011
Taking a Chance on the Dancefloor
A lot of people have been talking to me lately about how scary dating can be. And I totally agree! Dating differently takes a lot of courage. Can you imagine how scared I was thinking I'd actually pull of 31 Dates in 31 Days??
I was scared of putting myself "out there" for the world to judge. And I was really scared I'd put myself out there and then get zero dates. Quelle horreur!
Here's the thing -- maybe you're not into going out on 31 Dates. So what about starting with ONE? Could you challenge yourself to just one date that would be a little different than you've had before?
When I worked at Good Morning America, I was always assigned to produce the Dancing With the Stars segments. Every week there's a segment with the stars who were cut from the dance show the night before. (I called it being assigned to the "Booted Beat.") The celebrities were such troupers having to get up so early on the west coast to be on the show and talk about their embarrassing moments on the dancefloor throughout the season. I haven't been wathching "Dancing With the Stars" this season, but I did catch a glimpse of an interview with Carson Kressley on Good Morning America the other day after he got kicked off DWTS. I love Carson. He's always so positive and somehow manages to be randomly funny. When I interviewed him years ago he told me, "You should start pronouncing your name like Tomorrow and go work for the Today Show." Clever!
One thing I loved about Carson's interview this week was the way he talked about taking risks. He discusses it throughout, but his most poignant moments are in the very beginning of the video.
I was scared of putting myself "out there" for the world to judge. And I was really scared I'd put myself out there and then get zero dates. Quelle horreur!
Here's the thing -- maybe you're not into going out on 31 Dates. So what about starting with ONE? Could you challenge yourself to just one date that would be a little different than you've had before?
When I worked at Good Morning America, I was always assigned to produce the Dancing With the Stars segments. Every week there's a segment with the stars who were cut from the dance show the night before. (I called it being assigned to the "Booted Beat.") The celebrities were such troupers having to get up so early on the west coast to be on the show and talk about their embarrassing moments on the dancefloor throughout the season. One thing I loved about Carson's interview this week was the way he talked about taking risks. He discusses it throughout, but his most poignant moments are in the very beginning of the video.
October 20, 2011
Date #5 Pops the Question
One of the benefits of going on 31 Dates in 31 Days is getting to meet some absolutely amazing men. I've been lucky that I not only got to go out on first dates with all those but I've also managed to keep them as friends. And of course, as any good friend would do, that means I get to harrass them about their dating lives, mourn their mishaps, and celebrate their victories.
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| Stephanie and Adam |
Today I'm celebrating Date #5 - Adam.
For a while I was wondering what kind of girl would eventually capture his heart. And wouldn't you know, that girl ended up being one of my friends! Just a few days ago, Adam proposed marriage to Stephanie. And she said YES!!
Strong work Adam!!
Here's Stephanie's explanation of how the proposal went down:
Given that it was our 1-year anniversary of dating, celebrations were already in order. Sneaky. I was greeted by 2 dozen red roses when I got home from work last Friday, and 2 dozen more when we got to dinner at Fogo de Chao. But like the practical and unassuming woman that I am, I didn't think too much of it. Like Garrette said, I wasn't thinking "engagement" I was thinking "All you can eat meat."
By the end of dinner I had really bad hiccups. Like, drunk girl hiccups. It is a problem of mine. Adam tried to feed me bogus riddles, saying that getting your mind off the hiccups cures them. I told him that was stupid, and that the only way I can get rid of them is by drinking water upside-down, which was clearly not appropriate at this restaurant.
I was still hiccuping my guts out as Adam drove us over to the National Mall, parked, and led me to the middle of it all - and my favorite view in DC. I love seeing the U.S. Capitol lit up on one side and the Washington Monument on the other. It is a breathtaking view, every time. It wasn't until that moment, when he actually started saying really nice things, that I clued in. He took a deep breath and bent down on one knee. He pulled a box out of his pocket and illuminated it with his newly-purchased flashlight iPhone app. Inside was a beautiful, pear shaped ring. He said my full name when he asked me to marry him.
I said, "Yes. Of course!"
Then added, "You got rid of my hiccups!"
And then I started to giggle-cry. I think it is the best combination, actually. Real tears convey real meaning but giggles mean that everything is still ok. And everything is SO ok that you are actually moved to tears. ...
Then we drove to Georgetown and had frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity. It represented the end of our courtship and the beginning of our life together. We toasted ourselves and our future. And when we got back to my house he gave me one last bouquet of 2 dozen red roses. Because, he said, he wanted me to wake up everyday this week and remember that he loves me and that we are getting married. Life hardly ever turns out the way we plan. And yet, I feel like everything I have found in my relationship with Adam has been exactly what I always knew I wanted. I think the only thing I didn't plan was how this happiness would feel, because I never even knew this kind of happy existed.
Congrats you two!!! Can't wait to hear about the wedding plans!
October 19, 2011
Wednesday Words of Wisdon
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| Marianne Williamson |
"Love is what we were born with.
Fear is what we learned here."
-Marianne Williamson
And here's today's love song for you. Feel free to dance at your desk.
If ever there were ever a video montage of my life, I think I'd want this song as its theme.
Ella Fitzgerald, "Do I Love You"
Ella Fitzgerald, "Do I Love You"
October 18, 2011
A Couple Tips: Two Great Dating Sites
Looking for great date ideas for a weekend? Looking for someone to go out with you?
Here are two sites to improve your dates. The first is a fairly new website called "How About We." It's focus is on the date itself. You come up with an activity you want to do, post it, and someone with a similar interest joins in. I LOVE THIS IDEA.
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| HowAboutWe.com |
Why?
Because this takes the focus off of the person and instead narrows in on doing something fun. This allows people to be a little more open-minded about the people they'll go out with. Plus, it gets them off the couch - always a great bonus!
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| The Love Trekker |
The Love Trekker is helpful for anyone looking for a date idea. Just click on your state and find some activities or other date ideas for your area. I love this concept because it takes away that common excuse of "There's nothing to do in this town."
I recently wrote a post for them about 10 inexpensive date ideas for Southern California.
What other websites do you like to use when planning dates?
What great dating ideas do you have to share?
October 14, 2011
No Makeup doesn't mean "No Chance"
Yesterday I was chatting with a couple that's been married for 45 years. They're the type of couple that seems to kind of look like each other, both short and happy with gray hair and glasses. They finish each other's sentences. They both smile constantly with doses of loud, hearty laughter mixed into their conversation. I couldn't imagine either with anyone else, and yet, I learned that when they first met, neither found the other fairly interesting or attractive.
(See! Not all first dates are perfect, but many lead to long-lasting love.)
Husband: I was 21 and mentioned to a friend that it seemed like all the girls had somehow become taller than I was. And she said, "I know a really cute, short girl!" So I headed over that night to meet her, and I thought my friend was crazy. "THAT girl is the CUTE girl?" I thought!
My wife wasn't wearing ANY makeup and she wore a pair of cut-off jeans. Plus she was wearing a pair of those cat-eye glasses with gold trim.
She looked at me and was just as unimpressed. She kinda' turned her nose up at me.... But we became friends anyway. And it took a while before I finally saw her with a fresh set of eyes.
As the husband relayed this story to me, all I could think of were all those fashion magazines and dating tips that keep telling women the secrets to "nabbing" a guy - most of which seem to include perfect makeup, a hot bod, and shiny hair. Or at least that's the impression I feel left with sometimes. As he chatted about how it took him forever to realize he was in love with this woman who's perfect for him, this is the conclusion I came up with:
No Makeup + Cut-offs = 45 years of marriage
For you ladies...
Here we are told over and over again to prettify ourselves. And while I do believe there is much credit to taking care of bodies and doing our best to present our best selves, there can also be a point where we cross over into that dangerous zone of defining ourselves solely on our looks (or perceived lack thereof).
What I loved about this husband's love story was that he held himself accountable. He now realizes that his wife wasn't really a fuddy duddy. He just needed to look at her with a "new set of eyes."
Wouldn't we be lucky if we all looked at ourselves and each other that way?
To be honest, the whole "women + makeup" issue has me a bit up in arms today after reading this fantastic Forbes article by Jenna Goudreau where she talks about the outcome of a recent study that talks about the success and likeability of made-up women.
I'm reminded of the "No Makeup Week" challenge given by blogger Rachel Rabbit White, which she actually blogged about today and suggested doing the challenge again on her own. Check it out and see if you're up for something similar.
Luckily, I have this video to make me feel better today, with or without makeup:
September 9, 2011
American Dating versus International Courtship
The other night I went to dinner with a couple of new friends, both of which are successful, beautiful women who've lived all over the world. One was French, married, and works as an international television producer. The other is American, single, beautiful, and happens to be a brilliant scientist who does work with NASA studying the possibility of life on Mars and such. In the midst of our fancy conversation, we turned the topic to dating.
"American dating is so strange," says Frenchie.
The scientist nods in agreement.
"How so?" I ask.
Frenchie then discusses the steps that Americans take in dating.
"American dating is so strange," says Frenchie.
The scientist nods in agreement.
"How so?" I ask.
Frenchie then discusses the steps that Americans take in dating.
August 18, 2011
Is "Single" Really a Symptom for an Early Death?
I almost choked on my Cheerios when I read this headline this morning:
Seriously?? That's what we're telling people now? I could hear my still-bruised-former-single-soul screaming, "Great, first you're telling people they'll die alone. Now you're saying they'll also die young."
Are studies like this really necessary? What good are they doing?
This particular study compares people who have never married to people who remained married for a very long time. It left out the widowed and divorced altogether. Apparently it says that in the worst case scenario, single men can die 17 years younger than their married counterparts. For women, it's 15 years.
So what about the flip side of this study? What about all those people who have been unhappily married for 60 years and are just praying that they die? Is this study bad news for them too?
One of the critics of the study and others like these is social psychologist Bella DePaulo, who thinks there's a general bias against single people in our society. What do you think?
(In other news, I'll have a big announcement coming up next week for all you singles. And no, it has nothing to do with dying. Can't wait to tell you!)
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